Mornings! Huzzah! Hiccup!

What is it about nighttime that makes us want to stay up late into it? I'll tell you. It's connected to the tides. The tides and the moon act in such a way on our metabolisms that our minds are softened, making us succeptible to the oft-employed, ill-advised reasoning that staying up late is cool. Of course, this idea that 'staying up late is cool' is merely an old wives tale, created in the early 20th century by old wives who didn't know squat. Staying up late is dangerous to your health. In 2004 there were 20,000 recorded cases of preventable deaths due to foolish late-night habits. That is second only to tobacco smoking. Though, when people stay up, they mostly smoke, so really, you can pretty much add the number of tobacco-related deaths to that 20 grand. Ridiculous, right? Right, well, I'm here to advocate for bedtimes no later than 10:00, for EVERYONE. Yes, even you, Peter J. You see, if we were to adhere to this fantastic plan, we could wake up at 6 and have all of our fun then! Wouldn't that be a joy? Early morning movies, clubbing, and drinking. Heck, they only way you can really get rid of lovely morning mouth-taste is by smoking tobacco, so at least the formerly feckless smoking would now serve a purpose. This is a good idea.

Lookintomyeyes,notaroundmyeyes,lookintheeyes,you'reunder,andyouagreethat
thisisareallygreatideaandwillbegingoingtobedat10pm,nolater,andyouwillariseat
6am*SNAP*andyou'rebackintheroom.

Naw, forget it.