Some Great Television.

My wife and I sat down on the couch the other night, and lo and behold, a gift from the heavens appeared on the television screen before our very eyes! We were fortunate enough to stumble upon the season premiere of Hell's Kitchen! And, after watching the show, Hell's Kitchen seems too tame a name for that demon-infested bog of damnation.

What an outrageous program! This Gordon Ramsay fellow is a real pissy Brit, coming off as a sort of twisted mash-up of Simon Cowell, the Queen, Satan, and 100 pounds of melted-down sin, formed into what appears to be a 4-time runner-up in an Early-Nick-Nolte-Look-alike Contest who made a wig from Hugh Grant's mid-90's hair, died it blonde, and teased it just a little bit more.

Recently it's been announced that Ramsay swore 243 times during the 2-hour premiere. Now, if we remove the customary half-hour of commercials on a 2-hour program, we're left with one and a half hours of the show: 90 minutes in which to fit 243 expletives. Now, supposing, quite generously, that he was the one talking on-screen for even half of that time, 45 minutes, he would have to make the censors do their dance every eleven seconds.

On national television. Every eleven seconds.

The only scenario I can think of wherein you would hear naughty words that often would be if you were to force-feed speed to the cast of The Wire, tell them they aren't being paid, light them on fire one-by-one, and let the cameras roll.

What a wild world.