Running the Gamut. Sorta.

Today I was driving. I was driving, in my new 1989 Mazda 323 (or my family's, I guess, but really, they all know it's mine), and I was doing some thinking. I like to think while I drive. Think or sing. I can't do both, I get real focused on one or the other. Not both. I was thinking about how righteous I was becoming. I was focusing on how well I had been doing in reading my Bible and how much praying I was getting done, and thinking about how close I was getting to God. I was regailing myself with tales of my own spiritual heroism and amazing myself with my own measure of faith. So I was thinking about this, swelling my own head, beaming with pride, when all of a sudden I was drastically cut off by this jerk in a Malibu. He had tinted windows so obviously it was some punk kid that was just out to be a terrible person, and I hated him. Oh, how I hated him. I wanted to ram the back of his car. I wanted to speed by him, flashing the ol’ double deuce. And then my own hypocrisy bit my face off. Here I was, God’s greatest servant, getting righteously pissed at some stranger who cut me off on the road, likely without any malicious intent.

I never really know what irony really is, as it has been so misconstrued to me over the years. Like, you all remember Alanis’ song about irony. There were a number of examples in that song that I didn’t really see the actual irony in. But regardless, I found this event in my car to appear rather ironic. I, Daytona Splendor, while busy readying my seat at the right hand of God, found myself fuming uncontrollably, mouthing many a profanity, and doing all I could to not ram my 323 up that Malibu’s hindquarters. Wow. Just wow.

Honestly, I get kinda grossed out thinking about this. It saddens me, also. It’s things like this that give me a glimpse into the extensive world of my own shortcomings. I hate that world. I try to pretend as though it doesn’t exist. I try to cover it up with some good things I may have done, yet it is impossible to do. It is akin to attempting to use a napkin to conceal the Titan of Sparwood. I think, hey, I’ve been doing a real good job of this Christianity thing, I must be one of the saintliest people I know, and yet, all the while, there are these gay demons lurking in the star-filled rafters of my life, lighting them on fire, putting circles around them and inverting them. (Sorry, that was a wee bit of an inside joke, so for the thousands of you out there reading this who have no idea what I am talking about, ask me. It’s pretty funny.)

I am now writing later on. A few days ago was Sunday, I was at church on Sunday. I was actually at church for 7 hours in total. I am the greatest! See, there I go again. Anyway, that morning in the communion service the focus gradually became obvious that it was on forgiveness, God’s grace and the wacky way it makes life not fair. I was deeply troubled by it. I was struck with the depth of God’s grace. Struck with the immense and immediate implications that it should have on my life. And then struck with how little I cared about it.

I get so caught up in this world that I like to think exists with me at the center. I am the sun and everything else is my Milky Way, or whatever, I'm no astrologist. I get to thinking that without me, Christendom would vanish entirely, because I am the glue that holds this whole thing together. Ok, well, maybe I don't go that far, but I am self-centered, and that's my point. Why am I not centered on something that does actually hold everything together? Why am I so brainwashed to think that I am in charge, when that is clearly not the case? Why can I not see that there is a centre that is so much greater than I?

We once again got on to the topic of love the other night at Renegade Bible Study 2004, and it caused me to wonder what the world would be like if Christians radically and rampantly loved. Like Mike said, I don't think the world has seen what Christians can do if we were to radically love others. B-b-b-b-b-baby, you just ain't seen nothing yet. So let's do that. Let's show the lost what we are made of. Why not? We have nothing to lose. Can't lose our salvation, that seems pretty secure so let's go, let's hit up this world, Jesus-style.

Wow, I sounded like a homeboy there. Gross.

But, seriously, I know this post is just sorta all over, but it is about freaking time we did something that was radically different than anything. It is just sad that the idea of love is so radical to me. That I think that the wildest and craziest thing I can do is to love others. That blows my mind. It is the one thing we have been called to do, and it is the one thing I, for one, tend to do the least of. Is that not some sort of strange situation? When I have one job to do as a Christian, and I can't even get that right. Good grief. God help us.

So what does all this talk mean? These words are so easy to say, hell, even easier to type, so how do we walk what we been talkin'? (Homeboy, again.) I am no authority on this, but I guess I think it needs to start with you. And I mean 'you' as in inside you, your mindset and whatnot. We need to get off of ourselves, we've been riding 'us' way too long and we're wearing out. I have simply ridden myself into the ground and am dead tired. We need to change how we think, and then change how the world thinks of us, through doing things differently. First, love your family. I don't think we can love strangers without loving those close to us first. Sure, I say I love my family, but do I often do things that show that love to them or others? Not nearly as often as it needs to be. Then we can get out there. I don't know, this is a strange post, and I just keep typing, and hopefully you have just kept reading, and I don't claim to have any answers at all, so don't be expecting anything. "I don't have a monopoly on common sense here." I like the idea of not waiting for the opportunity to be asked to help with something, but to get out and ask if you can do things before anything happens. For example, with my previous post and my experiences with Everett, I should have offered the first ride. And then I should have called him up and offered every ride after that. That's something pretty radical, something pretty loving. It's hard to get into the thinking mode where those types of situations and opportunites become apparent to us, but if we work at it, it's gonna come, it HAS to come, or we might as well just leave. And it doesn't have to be this huge, extravagant sh--ow of emotion that we consider love, but little itty, bitty things that maybe no one even notices. I don't know, I think I said that last sentence mostly because I wanted to use that phrase. "Huge, extravagant sh..."



Ok, my fingers are tired, I am almost through talking about this stuff. Talk is cheap, I know, but it can be useful. Plus, if it is so cheap, why not buy lots of it? Ooh, maybe not though, maybe you should save up because actions are much more expensive. Hmmm. Stupid analogy.

Starwipe annnnnnnnnnnnd we're clear.

Splendor out.