The Triumphal Entry, So to Speak. Ugh.

...Dare I simply begin this post without any recognition of my severe absence as of late? Shall I go on with my feeble blogging as though this leave had never taken place? No. I mustn't. It wouldn't be proper. I shall confess my wrongs...

Well, faithful reader(s), I fear I have let you down. I must apologize profusely for my lack of challenging and thought-provoking tidbits in the past month or so. On the upside, I am happy to say that my departure, as agonizingly long as it must have seemed, has now come to an end. I am back, my darlings, ready to type until my fingers fall off and sores cover my rear end. Never again will I force you to endure such separation from me, and I shall give this rainbow to you as a sign of my promise:

Oh good grief. He actually copyrighted that? Can He do that? I mean, I know credit should be given where credit is due, but come on, what if other people like the idea of the rainbow as a sign of a longlasting covenant? Sure, call me a copycat, call me a heretic or whatever, but isn't it a little silly to go around copyrighting the wonders of nature? What's next? Patents pending on new animal breeds? Or how 'bout serial numbers to go with all humans? I can see it now: "We interrupt this blog with a special news bulletin: There's been a recall on the 1985 model of the Caucasian Male. Apparently the bowels were improperly tightened. If you yourself are, or know of anyone who is, a 1985 Caucasian Male, please sit tight, you're coming home."

*Silence fills the air like a fat guy in a little coat*

Wow. I had no idea that was coming. Part of me wants to go stand under a doorway to defend from the smite and another part wants to email links to this to all of my friends. Seriously though, so wrong. What a bad way to start this new era of blogging. "Hey look, I'm back! And better than ever! What say we start things off with a good thrashing of Christianity, followed up by mocking the very face of God? Right on."

Euh. Sorry.

Ok, let's see, where does one go from here? Ooh, I know.

Ok, so I've been watching a buttload of late-night TV the past few days, and I think I have a very good idea of who sucks at what they do. This is the way I would rate the late-night hosts in order of greatness:

Tie for #1. Jon Stewart - The Daily Show
Conan O'Brien - The Conan O'Brien Show
#2-12. Probably some other guys - Their own shows
#13. Jay Leno - The Tonight Show


Seriously, that Jay Leno guy is a wiener. He's like a weird-looking version of that one muppet. The guy that used to do the news for the muppets, waayyyy back when. He had glasses. One time he turned into a chicken. Anyway, that's who he reminds me of. Plus, the stuff he says isn't all that humorous. Most of the time I think I'm funnier than him. But then, I also think I am the ultimate combination of MJ's skills, the Great One's moves, Brady's arm, and Brad's looks. In my highly esteemed opinion Conan O'Brien and Jon Stewart are simply precious. Their wit is unmatched by any I've seen. 'Cept maybe The 'Hawk, but that's another tale altogether.

I bet all y'all's really care what I think about the late-night dudes too, don'tcha? I thought so.

So, uhhh, welcome back?

Dayton, Ohio.