Sister Mary Clarence, These Are Good!

You know those people who talk real quiet, sorta under their breath? What are they called? Something like 'low-talkers' or something, right? Well, in any case, my Philosophy teacher is a grade-A low-talker. Half of the class it seems like nothing is happening because I can't hear anything. His voice just becomes this low hum, some sort of white noise that does nothing but lull me to sleep. He talks as if all of us are sitting on his shoulder, which is ridiculous, because there are like 25 people in the class and there is no way he could fit us all up there. Apparently he is one of the leading thinkers in some specific school of thought, but he sucks at talking out loud. I feel like pulling a Sister Act on him. Y'know, "Ok, try this. Close your eyes. Visualize yourself in room full of people, lots of silverware, people talking loud, dropping stuff, drunks, women with trays going 'whadda ya gonna have?'. Your voice has to carry across the din, you have to get up over all of that to be heard in the back of the room where I'm sitting, listening, straining to hear you. Ok? Keep that in your mind while we do this." And then pushing on his gut until he realizes he can make noise come out of his mouth. Frustrating. He's a funny teacher. He teaches as if we should already know everything he is telling us and he gets all exasperated. It's quite amusing. Plus he's got this sweet white beard.

Oh, wait! I almost forgot! The most exciting thing has happened! The greatest event in the history of my life has occurred! (Deep breath.) A few days ago, I discovered the existence of what appears to be the most incredible amalgamation of tastes earthly possible. Allow me to elaborate. During my early formative years, no, not childhood, but rather, High School, I became dreadfully addicted to two certain flavors and brands of chips. The first: Lays Dill Pickle potato chips. The second: Doritos Cool Ranch tortilla chips. I spent all of my high school years in deliberation over the two, which was better, which to buy, and so on. Well, friends, it would appear that there is no longer any need for such a decision to be made. Not since the birth of the New Doritos Dill-icious Dill Pickle Flavored tortilla chips! Is it not incredible? Seriously, I am salivating just typing this. And that's gross, 'cause I'm getting drool all over my hands and keyboard. But, like, gosh-wow. They are the tastiest food item I have ever had the pleasure of sampling. I was blown away when I first saw them sitting there on the shelf amongst the myriad of other styles, flavors and brands. It was seriously this epiphanious (maybe that's a word) experience that has dramatically altered my life. They were sitting there in the middle of the top shelf, shining with a light so glorious that all the other bags were impossible to see. I reached out, took hold of the bag and an electric feeling of intense joy shot through my entire body. After spending a half an hour unconscious on the floor of the store, I made my purchases and sought a private spot in which to consume the chips, nay, they shan't be labeled simply 'chips', for they are far more than mere chips, much more, they are the edible embodiment of all that is good in this world. Every bite was almost too much for me to handle. As I reached the end of my bag, I wept and I wept, crying out for more of this blessing. Sadly, there were no more. That is, until I went back down to the store and bought another bag! Three hours and three more bags later, I was full. I was tempted to go puke just so I could continue eating the triangular pieces of heaven. Alas, I did not, as that is simply The Yuck.

Yipes, that's a little overboard. But seriously, they are pretty awesome. And no, I am not getting paid for this (although I should be).

Time to read.

With visions of dill dancing in my head,

Daytona Splendor.