Coming Back to the Heart of Worship.

This weekend I became a BMXer. I am officially cool. My friend and I decided we wanted to get really into it, so we did. He already had a bike and then he put one together for me. We are hardcore. Saturday we spent 4 or 5 hours biking around different spots around town. Eventually we wound up at the outdoor skatepark at around midnight, which was nice, because we didn't have any witnesses to our tremendous lack of skill. We even shot our very first video. It consisted of a lot of contemplative shots of us riding slowly around the park, looking either concentrated or dejected, depending on your preference. Then, to complement that section, we had a bunch of humorous bail-type clips of us screwing up and hurting ourselves, naturally. All in all, I think we are pretty solid posers. Maybe even wanna-bes.

Last night I attended a worship service in the city. I'm never quite sure how to take worship services, because right now I really suck, but somehow I am able to sing and make myself think I am meaning the words. I have been stumbling a lot, and yet, I can be really emotionally moved at a service like last night. I don't know if I am simply very easily influenced by the power of music, or if I am singing for myself, or if my whole worshipful mindset is just a big sham. I think I had faked it for so long, that when it became a real thing for me it blurred the lines. I think somehow I have lost the ability to distinguish between what is the Spirit moving in me, and what is me, forcing myself to experience some sort of epiphany that isn't there. I don't really know how to 'come back to the heart of worship', I guess, despite the ease with which I can sing those words. And maybe it needs to go deeper than just the singing and praising that we do. I read once that when Matt Redman wrote that song, "Coming Back to the Heart of Worship", his church had just gone without doing any music or singing for 4 months. So, do I need to come all the way back? Where does the heart of true worship actually lie? And how can I get back there? I don't know.

Deep in thought, and a bit of self-loathing,

Daytona.