Internets for Err'body

Moving Somewheres Else

2010-01-21T16:15:00.003-07:00

I've been in the process of moving this somewhere else. It's fairly ready to go, so feel free to hop on over to Clockwork and Novelry's New Site in order to keep up on all the latest great things. So many new great things coming.

2010: Making New Inventions

2010-01-04T16:28:00.002-07:00

Greetings, 2010. What wonders will you have in store for us, I wonder. Whatever wonders you bring, may they truly be wonderful.

They should make a device that automatically senses in your brain when you want the phone, and it sends a tracking signal from the phone to your brain so that you can find it right away. I think Microsoft should make it first and then Apple should make it better. These are all just inventions I've come up with right now and I'm pretty proud of them. Look out Edison I'm on my way.

It's That Time of the Decade Again.

2009-12-30T17:12:00.006-07:00

Listening to: Morrissey - Kill Uncle

It's the end of the year and the end of the decade, and everyone and their uncle is coming out with a best of the year and best of the decade list for something. I thought it was time for me to lay down the penultimate best of list. So, here it is.

The Top Three Movies of All Time.
This was a pretty tough list to make, what with the large time span (all of time) and the large amount of movies to choose from (all of them). But, here they are. The top three movies of all time. With one honorable mention.

Number 3: D2: The Mighty Ducks

This movie is really good for so many reasons.

Number 2: The Mighty Ducks

Emilio Estevez at his best.

Number 1 movie of all time: D3: The Mighty Ducks

Joshua Jackson proves worthy successor to the lead name role in this fantastic franchise of flicks. Goldberg with the shorthanded goal with seconds left to win it? Pure gold. (Berg).

Honorable mention: Anything with Emilio Estevez.

There you have it. I beseech you to disagree with this list. In these films we see the pinnacle of the art form and never again will that summit be peaked. End of story.

Anyways, Jennie and I were just about to watch all of them, so I thought I'd put up this related cartoon:

So, I started listening to this Morrissey album thinking that this guy is one of the all-time greats. Unfortunately, this album sucks hard. Luckily, I read some articles on the internet that told me that this is likely his worst album. So, that's comforting. I hope to experience better Morrissey in the future, because I really doubt I'll ever play this again. Not that it was unbearable, just that I could care less if I ever hear any of the tracks ever again. Except for maybe There's a Place In Hell for Me and My Friends. That one was cool.

There's A Place in Hell for Me and My Friends

Morrissey - Kill Uncle ★★★✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: There's a Place in Hell for Me and My Friends
Least Favorite Tracks: The rest

1. Our Frank
2. Asian Rut
3. Sing Your Life
4. Mute Witness
5. King Leer
6. Found Found Found
7. Driving Your Girlfriend Home
8. The Harsh Truth of the Camera Eye
9. (I'm) The End of the Family Line
10. There's a Place In Hell for Me and My Friends
11. Tony the Pony

A Mix!

2009-12-28T13:53:00.001-07:00

Here is a mellow mix.

Stealing Things

2009-12-27T19:26:00.006-07:00

Listening to: Plants and Animals - Parc Avenue

Today we walked in the river valley down to Kinsmen park and went into the Running Room store there. It is a cramped little store stuck in the outside corner of the big Kinsmen place. There was a lady there, and because we were so quiet, I kept feeling like she was going to think we were stealers, so I tried really hard not to act like a stealer, even though that made it seem more and more like I was going to take items without paying for them. I was so concerned with the lady thinking I would steal that I made a point of not actually touching any of the goods and keeping my hands out of my pockets where she could see that I was being a good boy. It was foolish. Then we came home and this is what happened:

Not even kidding. Jennie is like twice the size of me.

Plants and Animals is a somewhat lame name for a band. It just seems too easy. But that's OK, because I always think the band is called Parc Avenue, which I think would be a better name, but it is in fact the name of the album. This album is weird. Weird in that it is pretty good, but it just slips by every time I listen to it. I think they have too much in common with the big Canadian acts of today (all those Toronto/Montreal scenesters) and I get bored with it. I think they were maybe on the shortlist for the Polaris Prize a couple of years ago, and I guess I concur with that shortlisting. In fact, they are on my shortlist for the bands I sort of like with sort of dumb names award.

Plants and Animals - Parc Avenue ★★★★★✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Bye Bye Bye, Good Friend
Least Favorite Tracks: Sea Shanty, Keep it Real, Guru

1. Bye Bye Bye
2. Good Friend
3. Faerie Dance
4. Feedback in the Field
5. A L'oree Des Bois
6. New Kind of Love
7. Early in the Morning
8. Mercy
9. Sea Shanty
10. Keep it Real
11. Guru

Christmas Continues!

2009-12-26T23:41:00.006-07:00

Christmas may be over, but that doesn't mean I can't give you a delicious little Christmas playlist to listen to. I hope to create more mixes in the future, for various things, and the process will get ironed out, but here's my first mix. A Christmas mix. Drunk Christmas 2009. (I wasn't drunk at all this Christmas.)

Here's the mix! Play it all!

Christmas is Over

2009-12-26T20:00:00.006-07:00

Listening to: Bruce Cockburn - Circles in the Stream

Well, Children, another Christmas has Come and Gone. How did you spend your Christmas this year? Huddled in front of a burning trash can? Running madcap around New York City all by yourself and befriending strange pigeon-ladies? Or perhaps you merely spent it with some opposing German soldiers in a wooded glen somewhere on the eastern front. Who knows. In all likelihood, you did all of these things.

Here's what I did:

That's right, I made my little sister a worse person. Merry Christmas, Leah. That sort of gift is priceless.

Bruce Cockburn is one of the penultimate Canadians. I always think of him and Anne Murray having a baby, and you know who the baby is? It is Wayne Gretzky. Circles in the Stream is great for a number of reasons, including:
- It's Bruce Cockburn
- Love Song
- Bruuuuuuuuuce
- Several other reasons

Get ready to love Bruce.

Bruce Cockburn - Circles in the Stream ★★★★★★★★★✩

Favorite Tracks: Deer Dancing Around a Broken Mirror, Free To Be, Cader Idris, Love Song, All the Diamonds in the World, Joy Will Find a Way
Least Favorite Tracks:

1. The Pipes, The Pipes
2. Starwheel
3. Never So Free
4. Deer Dancing Around a Broken Mirror
5. Homme Brulant
6. Free To Be
7. Mama Just Wants to Barrelhouse All Night Long
8. Cader Idris
9. Arrows of Light
10. One Day I Walk
11. Love Song
12. Red Brother Red Sister
13. Lord of the Starfields
14. All the Diamonds in the World
15. Dialogue With the Devil
16. Joy Will Find a Way
17. God, Bless the Children

Whoops, Forgot About the Blog

2009-12-24T15:11:00.005-07:00

Listening to: The Bird and the Bee - Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future

Nah, just kidding, I didn't forget about the blog. I was just uninspired for a while. But look, I'm inspired again. It's Christmas, the international Time of Inspiration. How can one be anything but inspired at this inspirational time of year. The birth of baby Jesus inspires us to want presents and inspires us to watch TV. Can Christmas be saved? Well, I let you decide.

As far as I'm concerned, Jennie saved Christmas for everyone. Hah! Bumbug.

Anyway, Jourdonais gave me this CD by The Bird and the Bee, and it's pretty good. Pretty voices, computers going bleep-bleorp-bleep, good stuff. I recommend this. Especially to those of y'all who fancy Mates of State. Those of y'all who haven't taken a shinin' to Mates of State may want to sidestep this here CD. This here's gon' be a Cowboy Christmas, y'hear? Boy howdy!

The Bird and the Bee - Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Meteor, Polite Dance Song, You're a Cold
Least Favorite Tracks: Love Letter to Japan, Lifespan of a Fly

1. Fanfare
2. My Love
3. Diamond Dave
4. What's in the Middle
5. Ray Gun
6. Love Letter to Japan
7. Meteor
8. Baby
9. Phil
10. Polite Dance Song
11. You're a Cold
12. Witch
13. Birthday
14. Lifespan of a Fly

I'm Becoming an Emotional Being

2009-12-08T23:31:00.007-07:00

Listening to: Yes Nice - Blindfolded

It may be partially a result of the combination of my association with and respect for the members of Yes Nice, but so far, I really, really love their newest record. I know I'm not a credible source of excellent music reviews and critiques, but there it is. Love it. (Especially the latter half of 'Empty Space', good grief, almost weeping.)

Yes Nice - Blindfolded ★★★★★★★★★✩

Favorite Tracks: Empty Space, Only 'Cause You Can't, and the Whale, Ghost or a Knife, Remote Control, Horses
Least Favorite Tracks:

1. Empty Space
2. Water Wine
3. Only 'Cause You Can't
4. and the Whale
5. Your Name
6. Ghost or a Knife
7. Remote Control
8. Blindfolded
9. Horses
10. Mountain Man

Fantastic Marketing

2009-11-26T22:42:00.006-07:00

Listening to: Port O'Brien - All We Could Do Was Sing

I just watched a trailer for a movie called "Clash of the Titans", and I couldn't help but literally LOL as the tagline appeared in one of those one-word-at-a-time sequences cut with action from the movie. The tagline, get this, for this movie, called "Clash of the Titans" went like this: (Fighting/Action) Titans (Fighting/Action) Will (Fighting/Action) Clash. "Titans Will Clash". I'm pretty sure the title of the film indicates that there are Titans and that at some point in the course of the movie we can expect that they will clash. But to come right out in the trailer and say "Titans Will Clash"? That takes balls. Well played, the Brothers Warner, well played.

This Port O'Brien album is alright. It's some pretty average folky stuff, nothing to write home about or write on blog about. So, I'll leave it at that.

Port O'Brien - All We Could Do Was Sing ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: I Woke Up Today, Close the Lid
Least Favorite Tracks: In Vino Veritas

1. I Woke Up Today
2. Stuck On A Boat
3. Fisherman's Son
4. Don't Take My Advice
5. Alive For Nothing
6. Pigeonhold
7. Will You Be There?
8. The Rooftop Song
9. In Vino Veritas
10. Close The Lid
11. Valdez

Ozzy Rules

2009-11-21T14:13:00.004-07:00

Listening to: Black Sabbath - Paranoid

This was my soundtrack for cleaning the apartment this morning. I don't know about you, but in my mind, there's no better Saturday morning activity than playing some great music and cleaning the ol' homestead. I suppose I sound a bit like a housewife, but I'm comfortable with that. Nothing wrong with housewives. Except for the old, deceitful ones that tell tales. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, old wives and their tales are not to be trusted.

I used to listen to Black Sabbath back in junior high and a little bit of high school, and I always thought they were pretty cool. Particularly this album. It's the only one I currently own, because it's the best. Definitely my favorite Black Sabbath album. It's for those times you want to be a rebel without really being much of a rebel.

Black Sabbath - Paranoid ★★★★★★★★★✩

Favorite Tracks:War Pigs, Paranoid, Planet Caravan, Iron Man, Fairies Wear Boots
Least Favorite Tracks: Rat Salad

1. War Pigs
2. Paranoid
3. Planet Caravan
4. Iron Man
5. Electric Funeral
6. Hand of Doom
7. Rat Salad
8. Fairies Wear Boots

Ahhh, Rural Alberta

2009-11-16T22:20:00.004-07:00

Listening to: The Rural Alberta Advantage - Hometowns

The Rural Alberta Advantage are a Toronto band that sing about rural Alberta. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Nah, it's ok, the lead guy is Albertan, so, I'll let him vouch for his bandmates. From the sounds of the album, they're pretty cool. It's amazing how close the singer's voice resembles that of Neutral Milk Hotel's Jeff Mangum. But not in a bad way. He sounds like him, but not in a gross mimicking way. I really like this album, but it may be because I'm from Alberta, and any time Alberta is mentioned in any form of media, I immediately swell with provincial pride. Which, is sort of silly, when I consider the fact that I'm mostly not a fan of what makes Alberta the province that it is. Sure, I love mountains, and the Oilers, and 10 month winters (not this year, apparently) but I'm starting to think I don't really support the whole oil industry and the general feeling of Albertans and their money. I don't really know enough about those things, though, so this is just a theory.

Great album, great day, grrrrr-eat.

The Rural Alberta Advantage - Hometowns ★★★★★★★★✩✩

Favorite Tracks: The Ballad of the Raa, Don't Haunt This Place, Frank AB, Edmonton
Least Favorite Tracks: Four Night Rider

1. The Ballad of the RAA
2. Rush Apart
3. The Deathbridge in Lethbridge
4. Don't Haunt This Place
5. The Deadroads
6. Drain the Blood
7. Luciana
8. Frank, AB
9. The Air
10. Sleep All Day
11. Four Night Rider
12. Edmonton
13. In the Summertime

Teddy, Teddy, Teddy

2009-11-15T17:31:00.004-07:00

Listening to: The Album Leaf - Into the Blue Again

Jennie and I have been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother over the last couple of weeks. There are some things I like about the show (Marshall, sometimes Lily) and there are many things I dislike about the show (Ted, Ted's stupid face, Ted's stupid brain). First of all, what the hell? The premise, that of a father telling his children the story of how he met their mother, is retarded. Not because a father shouldn't tell his kids how he met their mother, but because, in this case, he is not telling them how he met their mother. He is telling them about hundreds of random girls he's slept with and how he wasted most of his youth in a bar. If my dad was telling me stories about the time he almost had a three-way and how great it was to live in New York because there were so many easy women, I think I would a) tell him to get a life and quit living in the past and b) throw up on him.

The other part about the show that bothers me is that Ted is a selfish dickwad but everybody seems to think he's a saint. He breaks up with women willy-nilly and cheats and is generally exactly what you'd expect from some juicebag that hangs out in a bar every night. So, I guess I'm not really surprised by this revelation, but it does suck. Because I'm sure there are people all over attempting to emulate this great life that these guys have, only to find out that it is ridiculous and empty. Oh well. I don't really care, I suppose, it's just a frustrating show to watch. I guess I'll stop.

The Album Leaf is up in my 'Top Five Artists to Fall Asleep To', and not in a bad way. It (he) has a great sound, and it's so relaxing and beautiful that it is a perfect segue into a delightful dreamland of magic. I suppose this album is not my favorite of his, but it is still a very nice album to have in the background or simply as the soundtrack to a calm Saturday afternoon at home. Lovely sounds.

The Album Leaf - Shine

The Album Leaf - Into the Blue Again ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: The Light, Always For You, Shine, Red-Eye
Least Favorite Tracks: Into the Sea

1. The Light
2. Always For You
3. Shine
4. Writings on the Wall
5. Red-Eye
6. See In You
7. Into the Sea
8. Wherever I Go
9. Wishful Thinking
10. Broken Arrow

Why Do I Suck?

2009-11-15T00:43:00.003-07:00

Listening to: The National - Boxer

I've been a part of a relatively competitive fantasy football league for the past two years and I'm starting to wonder if I'm really cut out for it. I find myself so easily swayed by public opinion on who will do well and who I should have on my team, but once I draft my players, I become an over-protective mother-type, defending their honor when they've played poorly (frickin' LaDainian Tomlinson) and unwilling to let them out of my home when I really should (stupid Brian Westbrook). It means nothing to them, and it should mean nothing to me, but once a player is on my team, I feel this sense of camaraderie with them. Plus, I get worried sick that if I trade a player away or drop a player, that player will inevitably prove invaluable in the long run. Which is somewhat understandable but mostly retarded. As mother hen for a group of 15 hulking NFL players, I watch out for them, treat them with caution, and generally turn into a total pussy. I think part of my problem stems from a feeling that if I trade away my players, winning will mean nothing to me. Like when teams stock up on highly-skilled, highly-priced players right before a playoff push, a part of me feels that, should they win the championship, it shouldn't be valued, because it was just a random group of players that had no team bond and didn't deserve to win over a team that had stayed together all year through thick and thin. My record over the last two seasons, a dismal 9-13, would suggest that I'm a moron.

But, my heart tells me I'm a winner. Here's to another season below .500, fellas.

Ok, so, The National: they're great. We all know that, but why are they so great? They're music is awesome. But why? Because it's so good. End of questions. This album is dramatic, lush, dark, haunting, and really worth the time spent listening. More and more, I find that if I let an album keep playing over the period of a few days or weeks or months, that the music often sounds better to me, like I've created a bond with it somehow, which sounds totally gay, but I think it's the same with my football players. The longer we've been together, the more I grow to appreciate them and the more reticent I am to let them go. Which is why this album has become one of my favorites of the last year or so. I'm its mother as well. And what a proud mother I am.

The National - Boxer ★★★★★★★★★✩

Favorite Tracks: Fake Empire, Squalor Victoria, Ada
Least Favorite Tracks: Racing Like A Pro

1. Fake Empire
2. Mistaken For Strangers
3. Brainy
4. Squalor Victoria
5. Green Gloves
6. Slow Show
7. Apartment Story
8. Start A War
9. Guest Room
10. Racing Like A Pro
11. Ada
12. Gospel

Wrestling is Sick

2009-11-12T21:40:00.004-07:00

Listening to: Kevin Devine - Put Your Ghost To Rest

We watched The Wrestler for the first time last night. It was sort of what I expected, but I will admit I did not foresee all of the bloody wrestling. The staples were probably my least favorite part. Actually, pretty much the whole scene with that sick hillbilly wrestler was super gross. I guess that's why backyard wrestling is about on par with bringing a handgun into a club smuggled in your pants and shooting yourself in the leg.

Speaking of legs, I went in for an MRI on my knee on Wednesday, and boy, that was a brutal experience. Not because MRI's are painful or frightening really (not on the knee, anyway), but because I've had this weird breathing thing that comes around every now and then, on and off, since about 2004, where I find it harder and harder to get a full breath in and really get the sensation of having taken a full breath. It's super frustrating sometimes, and this experience only made it worse. I was laying on the machine, or in, I guess, and I wasn't allowed to move at all. After a couple of minutes, the need for a full breath had arisen, and I was afraid that if I tried to get my full breath I would move too much, because sometimes it takes some effort. So, I tried to just breathe normally. Unfortunately, left unsatisfied, my lungs kept getting more and more angry with me, and I really thought I was going to drown without being in any water. Anyway, this lasted for about 15-20 minutes and then I could breathe. A bit of an anticlimactic ending, but the beginning and middle of the story were some torturous times for me. It was awful.

But don't worry, I'm OK.

Previous to this week, I'd only listened to the last track on this Kevin Devine CD, because it was pretty good. He's a sort of an alt-pop-folksy kinda guy, and he's not bad at it. Unfortunately, not bad in the alt-pop-folksy genre can often mean boring and forgettable. That is the case here. They're sort of nice songs while listening to them, but afterwards, I can't remember any of them at all and almost forget that I had even listened to them. Sorry Kevin.

Kevin Devine - Heaven Bound and Glory Be

Kevin Devine - Put Your Ghost To Rest ★★★★✩✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Heaven Bound and Glory Be
Least Favorite Tracks: Pretty much all the rest

1. Brooklyn Boy
2. Trouble
3. You're Trailing Yourself
4. Me and My Friends
5. Like Cursing Kids
6. A Billion Bees
7. Less Yesterday
8. Go Haunt Someone Else
9. Refugees
10. You'll Only End Up Joining Them
11. Just Stay
12. Heaven Bound and Glory Be

The National Film Board Changed My Life

2009-11-11T23:14:00.001-07:00

Listening to: Boards of Canada - The Campfire Headphase

Ok, I'm a little bit tipsy after some wine, so try to ignore any spelling mistakes or outrageous comments, alright? Great.

My cousin Nate introduced me to Boards of Canada back in the fall of 2004, and I've nursed a secret love for them ever since. I remember the night I first heard a Boards of Canada song. Nate and I were out talking in the driveway at my parents house where we both lived. No, that can't be right, he didn't live there in 2004. Probable he introduced them to me later, also I'm drunk. Anyway, the point is that we were talking in the driveway, which eventually lead to talking while walking, which has lead to many, many walks, each lasting at least 5 hours, generally in the wee morning hours, around the old neighborhood out in the trees of Sherwood Forest. In this case, I remember Nate telling me I had to hear this song by a band that reminded me of the National Film Board. (Speaking of which, I recently downloaded the NFB iPod app and it is blowing my mind. The memories from watching all of these classics are unbelievable! The Big Snit! The Hockey Sweater! Walking! Wow, the National Film Board of Canada is truly a national treasure.) Anyway, Nate played 'Dayvan Cowboy (Odd Nosdam Remix)' for me that night, and I was changed. The song was gorgeous and brought to mind all of those old memories of watching NFB films on CBC as a lad. The music taps into the spirit of the NFB and completely transported me back to that time. (The band has said that that is what they were going for, so I guess I'm saying that it worked.) You all need to listen to some Boards of Canada. I don't care if you don't want to. It's an experience. And, yeah, sure, those guys aren't actually Canadian, but who cares? They have somehow captured my childhood in music, so, in my mind, they are as Canadian as they come.

Oh Canada!

P.S. I have this album on vinyl, and let me tell you. The first time I listened to it in my room on a crappy old cabinet stereo I bought at Value Village, it blew my mind. If ever there was a modern band made to be played on vinyl, it's Boards of Canada.

Boards of Canada - Dayvan Cowboy

Boards of Canada - The Campfire Headphase ★★★★★★★★✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Chromakey Dreamcoat, Dayvan Cowboy,
Least Favorite Tracks: Tears from the Compound Eye

1. Into the Rainbow Vein
2. Chromakey Dreamcoat
3. Satellite Anthem Icarus
4. Peacock Tail
5. Dayvan Cowboy
6. A Moment of Clarity
7. '84 Pontiac Dream
8. Sherbert Head
9. Oscar See Through Red Eye
10. Ataronchronon
11. Hey Saturday Sun
12. Constants Are Changing
13. Slow This Bird Down
14. Tears From The Compound Eye
15. Farewell Fire

Stuck on Repeat

2009-11-09T22:49:00.002-07:00

Listening to: Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago

Jennie really loves this album and has had it on repeat for the better part of the last two weeks, because that's what she likes to do. When she really likes something, she gets as much of it as she can while she likes it. Which is why we got married. We're still together, so I guess she still likes me. Just kidding. We're in love.

I had my doubts in regards to Bon Iver because I'd heard it was reminiscent of Iron & Wine, and I get very sleepy when I listen to Iron & Wine. So, eventually, I listened to the album. It wasn't really until Jennie started playing it non-stop that I realized how good this album is. (And, for that matter, I found some live recordings of Iron & Wine, and they blew me away.) Maybe I'm some sort of lo-fi, minimalist guy, but I really like this album because it's pretty simple. It's got beautiful guitar, and an at-first unnerving falsetto voice leading the way into some wonderfully crafted and mournfully lovely songs. I should say that while making an excellent rainy-day soundtrack, there is also a real uplifting sound here as well. This is a really excellent album, and one that will likely keep a spot in our ever-increasing playlist of great music here at the homestead.

Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago ★★★★★★★★✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Flume, Skinny Love, The Wolves (Act I and II), Creature Fear, For Emma
Least Favorite Tracks: Team

1. Flume
2. Lump Sum
3. Skinny Love
4. The Wolves (Act I and II)
5. Blindsided
6. Creature Fear
7. Team
8. For Emma
9. re: Stacks

Metaphorically Speaking

2009-11-06T23:57:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels

So, I was thinking about blogging, and I was trying to focus on coming up with hilarious metaphors and similes to employ in my writing and then I came upon this list of metaphors and similes teachers had found in high school English essays over the years. And I realized I can't top any of them. Here's the list:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Pretty good, right? Only in my dreams could I write gold like that.

Anyway, I've been listening to a lot of this new Great Lake Swimmers album as I feel I have to seeing as it was my first ever album purchase from iTunes. A big moment for me. So far, I think I like it. It's fuller and better than their previous stuff, which at times made me want to go to sleep. The face that I've stayed awake for the whole album on several listenings is a good sign. Probably my opinion of it will change as I get to know it more, but for now, it's pretty good.

Great Lake Swimmers - Pulling on a Line

Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels ★★★★★★★✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Palmistry, Pulling On a Line, She Comes to Me in Dreams
Least Favorite Tracks: River's Edge

1. Palmistry
2. Everything is Moving So Fast
3. Pulling On a Line
4. Concrete Heart
5. She Comes to Me in Dreams
6. The Chorus in the Underground
7. Singer Castle Bells
8. Stealing Tomorrow
9. Still
10. New Light
11. River's Edge
12. Unison Falling Into Harmony
13. It's Too Late
14. The Storms Are On the Ocean

This Is just a Brief Post

2009-11-05T22:41:00.007-07:00

Listening to: Richard and Linda Thompson - I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight

Who are Richard and Linda Thompson, you may ask? Well, honestly, your guess is as good as mine. The only thing I know about them is that they made a very excellent album. There's something about British folk-rock that puts me right, mentally, physically, spiritually, all of it. This is a beautiful, heartbreaking, tender, rollicking album that just makes me wish there were more collaborations between highly talented, sensible guitarists and female vocalists who could sing the universe to a standstill. I love this album.

High praise from a guy who just bought the latest Weezer.

Richard and Linda Thompson - I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight ★★★★★★★★★✩

Favorite Tracks: When I Get to the Border, I Want To See The Bright Lights Tonight, Down Where the Drunkards Roll
Least Favorite Tracks: The Great Valerio

1. When I Get to the Border
2. The Calvary Cross
3. Withered and Died
4. I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight
5. Down Where the Drunkards Roll
6. We Sing Hallelujah
7. Has He Got a Friend For Me?
8. The Little Beggar Girl
9. The End of the Rainbow
10. The Great Valerio

Make Me Dance, Mr. Byrne

2009-11-04T10:28:00.004-07:00

Listening to: Talking Heads - Remain in Light

As a child, Halloween was always appreciated (particularly the vast stores of candy acquired) though I never really found myself really looking forward to it or really excited about it. Maybe I never put the time or effort into it (aside from the year I went as a toilet, complete with functioning lid which the candy-givers had to lift in order to deposit my candy), or maybe living in Edmonton the idea of walking around in generally freezing late-October weather in the dark evening simply wasn't that appealing to me. In spite of this, I do have fond memories of Halloween. Unfortunately, most of them are from the past few years, and pretty well all include some form of crossdressing on my part. For instance, several years ago I went as Ananias and Sapphira, being half man and half woman. Back in '05, I attempted to pull off a half-assed Ms. Pacman costume. And in 2008, I was the Palin half of a McCain-Palin costume with my wife. Now, I'm not going to speculate, but one could reasonably make some assumptions regarding some possible subconscious activities going on here, but one mustn't do that, mustn't one?

Speaking of Talking Heads, I've listened to some of their work in my day, and I've yet to really get into it. Though, I do admit that this album is quite good. The constant beats with their African influence and the guitars under David Byrne's oft-confusing, occasionally intriguing lyrics serve their purpose well. If their purpose is to make me want TO DANCE MY LIMBS OFF. No, really, it is pretty easy to get caught up in the rhythm of this album, and in the middle of it, you get to experience the treat of "Once in a Lifetime". Talking Heads, the jury remains out on you until further listenings. Good luck in those future times. I wish you nothing but the best.

Talking Heads - Remain in Light ★★★★★★★✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Crosseyed and Painless, Once in a Lifetime
Least Favorite Tracks: Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)

1. Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)
2. Crosseyed and Painless
3. The Great Curve
4. Once in a Lifetime
5. Houses in Motion
6. Seen and Not Seen
7. Listening Wind
8. The Overload

Sasky, I Love Thee

2009-11-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Stevie Wonder - Innervisions

Sometimes I forget about Saskatchewan, and after taking a trip to the fabled province of gold, it seems that sometimes Saskatchewan forgets about itself as well. The transition between Alberta and Saskatchewan was hardly noticeable, except for one glaring problem. Well, actually a non-glaring problem, I suppose. You see, all of the signs on Saskatchewan's highways have a problem with their reflective material wearing off, so if you happen to be driving through at night, any pertinent information you may have required (where to exit, how fast to go, how long 'til you're out of the province, where the hell you are) is pretty well impossible to decipher. You have about a 1/32nd of a second in which to read the sign, when you are almost perfectly parallel to it. Needless to say, we missed several exits on our way to the lovely metropolis of Moose Jaw, but we made it in the end.

Part of me thinks that they have not updated their signs in 50 years or so because it's a secret ploy to get people to stay in their province. People drive around getting further up and further in and eventually are forced to settle down in Regina because they can't get out. I wonder what percentage of Saskatchewan residents were displaced from their previous province, forced to sell their home via their new Saskatchewan land-line, and have all their possessions driven to them (which would take weeks, and eventually the movers would end up moving in with them). I'd bet it's close to 50%, because really, between that and being born there, why else would anyone live there?

Nah, I'm just kidding. All love, Sasky.

I've never really listened to Stevie Wonder, partly because in my youth I assumed he and Ray Charles were the same person and I'd listened to Ray Charles, so I was good. Turns out they're different people. It's embarrassing to admit that, but I was fairly ignorant in regards to jazz, funk, soul, and pretty well any music that wasn't made by middle to upper-class white folk. Which I think can be attributed to negligent parenting. Right? Right? Anyway, this is the first Stevie Wonder album I've owned and listened to, and I chose well. This is a fantastic album. Stevie, where have you been all my life? Oh, that's right, your greatest success was all before I was born. Mr. Wonder runs the proverbial gamut as far as song topics go, bouncing from drugs to hard city-life to Eastern religion to political corruption all in the span of 9 songs and 45 minutes of music. But what a delicious ride along the gamut it is. The musicianship that this guy possesses is pretty mind-blowing, considering he plays virtually every instrument, has a voice of liquid gold, and has been blind from birth.

Hooray, Stevie!

P.S. The album art for this is glorious as well. Hooray, Stevie!

Stevie Wonder - Innervisions ★★★★★★★★★✩

Favorite Tracks: Living for the City, Golden Lady, He's Misstra Know-it-all
Least Favorite Tracks: All in Love is Fair

1. Too High
2. Visions
3. Living for the City
4. Golden Lady
5. Higher Ground
6. Jesus Children of America
7. All in Love is Fair
8. Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing
9. He's Misstra Know-it-all

What a Juicebag

2009-11-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Ryan Adams - 29

I've decided (not that it really matters, but just in case you were really concerned) that I'm going to begin simply going randomly through my music rather than in the A-Z format I originally planned. Sometimes I get bored listening to the same artist for a few posts in a row. So now I just close my eyes and click randomly in iTunes. It's science.

Ryan Adams is one of my favorite musicians. I know he can be a major juicebag (I realized I say 'douchebag' too often, so I've been substituting 'juicebag', as it assuages my conscience) but I still love him. And, of course, it is a little weird that he's now married to Mandy Moore, but she used to be cool, right? Sorta? No? Well, we can at least agree that A Walk to Remember was probably the pinnacle of film-making, so that's alright.

I discovered Ryan Adams one day way back in 'ought-three while in Bible school. I stumbled upon Gold and was immediately hooked. Since then, I've picked up every release and have become a bona fide fan. As such a fan, I was at once pleased and displeased upon hearing that he was releasing three albums in 2005; pleased because it meant more to listen to, displeased because that kind of proliferation can only mean less time and effort put into each. Unfortunately, this album was the last of the aforementioned three, and, as assumed, was the least prepared. It's not really that bad, in fact, it's not bad at all, but compared to some of his previous stuff, you can sorta tell it was pretty rushed. I still really like it, though. Of course, I'm a little biased (see: bona fide fan).

Anyway, I like this album. It's got a couple great tunes, some good ones, and some forgettable ones, but overall deserves to be recognized for how good it sounds.

Ryan Adams - 29 ★★★★★✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Night Birds, Blue Sky Blues, Carolina Rain
Least Favorite Tracks: Voices

1. Twenty Nine
2. Strawberry Wine
3. Night Birds
4. Blue Sky Blues
5. Carolina Rain
6. Starlite Diner
7. The Sadness
8. Elizabeth, You Were Born to Play That Part
9. Voices

An Ode to Cinema City 12 (A Brief Ode)

2009-11-01T20:59:00.002-07:00

Listening to: Various Artists - 'The Last Kiss' Soundtrack

Being a third wheel is awkward at the best of times, so when I accompanied my buddy Michael and his then-girlfriend, Kim, to see The Last Kiss at the old Cinema City 12 (oh, how I miss you, Movies 12 is so far away) on the southside it was bound to be an at least slightly uncomfortable experience. Especially because I could never figure out if Kim liked me at all. I can't remember why the three of us went together, I just remember how awkward things got after the movie.

It was a pretty good flick, I guess. I didn't love it, but I guess all the hype from Garden State could've given me an inflated view of how good The Last Kiss would be, so maybe the movie isn't to blame. Mike seemed to think it was dumb, and Kim loved it. I recall looking over and seeing tears streaming down her face towards the end of the movie, and thinking, "Wow." So, we left the theatre, and got back into Mike's now-demolished Acura and things got uncomfortable as we discussed the film. Mike said he thought it was ridiculous and gave his reasons, to which Kim responded angrily, "You just didn't like it because it was about you." Now, at this point, I'd like to mention that I was sitting in the middle of the backseat with a perfect vantage point for everything going on. The situation digressed from bad to worse and I was the unfortunate spectator to an incredibly long, boring, and loud fight. Eventually we dropped Kim off, which I thought was hilarious, and went out to have fun on our own. So, I guess it worked out for me. (Selfish, selfish, selfish.)

This soundtrack, like most, has its highs and lows (mostly highs, in this case), but Zach Braff has put together a pretty good little mixtape of the hipsters, cools, and indie-trenders of the day. It's a nice album to listen to when you want to hear some mellow indie-rock and have the tunes be catchy and nice to listen to. It is reminiscent of The OC Mixes we've previously covered, with several overlapping artists and one overlapping song, but that doesn't make it any less good. I like this album. Good work, everyone. You've pleased me.

Various Artists - 'The Last Kiss' Soundtrack ★★★★★★★★✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Star Mile, Warning Sign, Hold You In My Arms, Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk (Reprise), Paperweight
Least Favorite Tracks: Chocolate

1. Chocolate
2. Star Mile
3. Pain Killer
4. Warning Sign
5. Ride
6. El Salvador
7. Hide and Seek
8. Reason Why
9. Hold You in My Arms
10. Prophecy
11. Paper Bag
12. Today's the Dar
13. Arms of a Woman
14. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk (Reprise)
15. Paperweight

Akron, Ohio: City of Wonder

2009-10-31T21:59:00.002-06:00

Listening to: Akron/Family - Meek Warrior

Man, I gotta tell you, Akron/Family is freaking me out. The first song on this album is insane. For me, it's waaaayyy too all-over-the-place too enjoy at all. I hate that first song so much. And that's why these guys freak me out, because I really like the second song. But then I don't like the next one. Why you do me like this, Akron/Family? I don't understand!

Whenever I think of Akron (the city) I think of Lebron James. He played high school ball at St. Vincent - St. Mary High School in Akron, Ohio. I'm glad I didn't live in Akron, because there was no way I was making that team. Jeez. Anyway, I just looked up Akron on Wikipedia (classic move!), and found out that Akron is also home to the LARGEST FREESTANDING SCOREBOARD IN MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL! WOW! 56¼ feet by 68 feet! WOW!

So, this album is considerably different than the previous Akron/Family album I listened to. Aside from the first song, there seems to be significantly less radical experimentation on this album. Actually, that's not true. There are some crazy tracks on here, I guess it's just the presence of a few mellower, quieter tracks that calm the album down a bit. I suppose, on 3rd and 4th listenings, I may be able to cut through the noise more effectively, but sometimes an album doesn't really give you a reason to listen to it a whole lot. I mean, I like this album OK, but there's really nothing on it (like on the last one) that makes me want to pursue it further. There's no hidden natural beauty urging me to go ahead and have one more listen. It's just too much work sometimes.

Come on, Akron/Family, I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

Akron/Family - Meek Warrior ★★★★✩✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Gone Beyond
Least Favorite Tracks: The rest, I suppose

1. Blessing Force
2. Gone Beyond
3. Meek Warrior
4. No Space In This Realm
5. The Lightning Bolt of Compassion
6. The Rider (Dolphin Song)
7. Love and Space

Chick Stuff

2009-10-30T21:59:00.002-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - 'Magnolia' Soundtrack

After quickly looking through the rest of the soundtracks I have, I realized that, with the exception of The Last Kiss, I listened to all of them before I saw any of their movies. Now that we've got that fact out of the way, we can progress.

I know I told Ian that I was done with reviewing Aimee Mann records, and, while this was partially true in that there are no more records released under her name, this Magnolia soundtrack might as well be hers. Not that I'm complaining, as she's quickly, over the past couple weeks, become my favorite female singer-songwriter. As I think I mentioned somewhere in the last little while, I've not seen Magnolia, and I don't really know if I will watch it any time in the near future. Not because I think it's going to be awful, but just because I don't feel the need to see it. Plus, my mind always went like this when I heard anything about the movie: "Oh, Magnolia, isn't that that movie from the late 80's with Sally Field? Or no, that's called Steel Vaginas right? Anyway, I don't want to watch a movie about vaginas."

And here we are today.

This soundtrack, as far as soundtracks go, is quite good. It's got a couple Supertramp classics on there, and pretty much everything else works, aside from Gabrielle's Dreams, which I think is pretty indicative of everything that was wrong with mid to late-90's girl-pop shit. It's brutal, and definitely drags this album's average down with it.

Various Artists - 'Magnolia' Soundtrack ★★★★★★★✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: One, Wise Up, Goodbye Stranger
Least Favorite Tracks: Momentum, Dreams

1. One
2. Momentum
3. Build That Wall
4. Deathly
5. Driving Sideways
6. You Do
7. Nothing is Good Enough
8. Wise Up
9. Save Me
10. Goodbye Stranger
11. Logical Song
12. Dreams
13. Magnolia

Are They Wizards?

2009-10-29T23:59:00.005-06:00

Listening to: Akron/Family - Love is Simple

If love is so simple, why is this album so hard? There is so much going on in this album, it's impossible to even ingest it all in one sitting. I've listened to this album now 4 or 5 times, and I'll admit, it has been growing on me. But these guys are outrageous. I suppose they'd best be lumped in with the very vague musical category of New Weird America, but there is just too much here to nail them down to one specific sound or intent. With all the tribal drums, chants, acoustic guitar interludes, banjo strumming, a capella vocal parts, and general nonsense occurring, you'd think that this album would be irritating, and you'd be partly right. The problem is that while it can be grating, there's something supremely satisfying about this music. In that sense, the title works, as they're trying to send a message of love and natural beauty, which you really have to tap into in order to really love this CD. I don't know if I ever saw myself listening casually to guys like these, but, like I said, the repeated listenings have afforded me a greater appreciation for the good parts of this album while lessening my distaste for the not-so-great parts. I can't say I recommend this album wholeheartedly, because I'm sure many people would find it totally inaccessible (not to say I'm one of the open-minded who can access it) and I don't want to be that guy who goes around giving recommendations to totally inane, relatively obscure music just to sound cool. 'Cause I'm not.

Congratulations, Akron/Family, you've confounded me.

Akron/Family - Love is Simple ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Love, Love, Love (Everyone), Ed is a Portal, There's So Many Colors
Least Favorite Tracks: Lake Song/New Ceremonial Music for Moms

1. Love, Love, Love (Everyone)
2. Ed is a Portal
3. Don't Be Afraid, You're Already Dead
4. I've Got Some Friends
5. Lake Song/New Ceremonial Music for Moms
6. There's So Many Colors
7. Crickets
8. Phenomena
9. Pony's OG
10. Of All the Things
11. Love, Love, Love (Reprise)

Pothead Cougars (Leopards, Maybe)

2009-10-28T10:34:00.004-06:00

Listening to: Various Artist - 'Masked and Anonymous' Soundtrack

I went to a Bob Dylan concert in the summer before grade 12 and it was alright. The seats were pretty brutal, on the far left side of Rexall Place, so I was pretty sure I was never going to be able to turn to the right again after the concert. Obviously Bobby put on a great performance, but the real showmen were the 7 or 8 middle-aged women a few rows in front of us, stoned out of their minds. If you ever get the chance to see any moms get high, make sure you watch. Even just imagine your own mom smoking some marijuana and you'll probably come up with some pretty hilarious visuals. Right now I'm picturing ol' Carol drinking Ranch salad dressing right out of the bottle. Hilarious, right?

Anyway, these ladies, unmistakable in their leopard-print, were having the time of their lives. Of course, it's always fun until someone loses an eye--or falls down the stairs on their way to the little girls' room. At first, we felt bad for her, but then we didn't.

Now, what we've got here is another case of having listened to the soundtrack before seeing the movie, but in this case, I have yet to see Masked and Anonymous. I think I'd like to see it, simply because of the sheer number of celebrities making an appearance. I mean, look at this list:

Bob Dylan
Jeff Bridges
Penelope Cruz
John Goodman
Jessica Lange
Luke Wilson
Ed Harris
Val Kilmer
Cheech Marin
Chris Penn
Giovanni Ribisi
Mickey Rourke
Christian Slater

I guess people really wanted to be in Bob's movie. And, if the soundtrack is any indication, they were somewhat right to want that. By that, I mean that this album is alright. It's made up of Dylan songs, some performed by him, some covered by lesser known artists. The problem with the album is that many of the covers kinda suck. The Dylan tracks are, as usual, pretty great, so they're really the saving grace on this CD. All in all, I guess listening to this album really doesn't make me want to see the movie any more or any less. Which could be a good or bad thing. Duh.

Various Artists - 'Masked and Anonymous' Soundtrack ★★★★★✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Down in the Flood, It's All Over Now, Baby Blue, Cold Irons Bound,
Least Favorite Tracks: My Back Pages, Come Una Pietra Scalciata (Like A Rolling Stone)

1. My Back Pages
2. Gotta Serve Somebody
3. Down In The Flood
4. It's All Over Now, Baby Blue
5. Most of the Time
6. On A Night Like This
7. Diamond Joe
8. Come Una Pietra Scalciata (Like A Rolling Stone)
9. One More Cup of Coffee
10. Non Dirle Che Non E' Cosi' (If You See Her, Say Hello)
11. Dixie
12. Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)
13. Cold Irons Bound
14. City of Gold

Richard Milhouse Nixon: Toughest Guy of All

2009-10-27T21:04:00.007-06:00

Listening to: Aimee Mann - Whatever

Aimee Mann wins the award for the "Album With The Most Contractions In The Song Titles". Not really, 'cause that award doesn't exist in any physical sense, but she does have almost half the titles on this album incorporating some kind of contraction. Plus, are the contractions like 'should've, could've, would've, and must've' technically allowed? I always thought they were, but the spell-check here at good ol' Blogger seems to disallow 'should've, could've, and must've'. Maybe that's just preference. It's nice to know that Blogger has opinions on things. Hey, Blogger, what do you think about Richard Nixon? Shucks, it clammed up. But hey, what a perfect segue into my next thought!

I was reading some Hunter S. Thompson this past spring, specifically Part 2 of The Great Shark Hunt, in which he has a number of articles and essays on Nixon and Watergate. While I enjoyed reading it, I realized I really had no idea what he was talking about. Watergate has always been this vague thing to me, and I've never really known what the heck it was all about. This week, I decided to change all that. Towards the end of summer, I purchased a book, All the President's Men, by the two Washington Post reporters that really broke the whole Watergate story in order to inform myself. I started reading it this week, and it is just blowing my mind! What a crazy story it's been so far! I can't believe half the stuff I read, because it just seems so outrageous and fictional. It's proved to be a very interesting read, because even though I (sort of) know the end result, the incredibly convoluted and ridiculous plot is so thrilling and hilarious and is almost too good to believe. People being caught in lies left, right, and center; who knew government officials screwing the pooch on such a massive level could make for great reading? Well, I guess anybody who knows anything could probably make that leap, but man, this book is highly enjoyable.

This album is Aimee Mann's first album, and it's my favorite of hers. And, I should probably clarify that my rating system is not necessarily very good or trustworthy. I'm not great at really critically listening and determining the musical or lyrical worth of any given album, so my ratings are basically whether or not (and how much) I liked the album. Maybe I'm some sort of pussy, but I find myself really liking the work of Aimee Mann. Sorry, tough guys, I have to resign.

Aimee Mann - Whatever ★★★★★★★✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: I Should've Known, Jacob Marley's Chain, I've Had It
Least Favorite Tracks: Fifty Years After the Fair

1. I Should've Known
2. Fifty Years After the Fair
3. 4th of July
4. Could've Been Anyone
5. Put Me On Top
6. Stupid Thing
7. Say Anything
8. Jacob Marley's Chain
9. Mr. Harris
10. I Could've Hurt You Now
11. I Know There's A Word
12. I've Had It
13. Way Back When

Eric and I, A Love Story

2009-10-26T23:54:00.003-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - 'Moulin Rouge' Soundtrack

I listened to this soundtrack before I ever saw the movie, because my friend Eric was singing it around school for some time, and I said, "Yo, Eric (it was the early 00's, we still had some 90's slang kickin' around), bro', what're those gnarly tunes you're bopping out 'round these hallowed halls?" He answered by taking me out to his car and playing the soundtrack for me. Well, I mean, he verbally answered me by saying something like, "Oh, dude, it's this real wicked picture show called 'Moulin Rouge', I could pop the ol' 8-track into my Model-T for ya, whaddya say?" (Some of our speech was severely outdated.) He didn't just silently direct me out to his car.

Anyway, after several months of listening to the soundtrack (not straight, but intermittently over a period of several months) I was finally going to watch the movie at Jonny's house out in Sherwood Park. It was to happen at one of those weird after-camp parties, where everyone who was at camp as staff was there and most people were either getting out all their pent-up flirtations or simply continuing the flirtations they had started at camp. Those parties are always super-weird, like, it can sometimes be a pretty weird combination of people that would otherwise never hang out. I suppose that's part of the beauty of a place like camp, but it also gets pretty hilarious when people try to keep the whole camp-thing going forever. Eventually you've got to realize that camp is over. No more. So, there was this kinda random group of people out at the Fairbridge homestead and the plan was to watch that movie at some point. I remember Rob Campbell was there, and I think his girlfriend showed up, but we didn't really know her. Bobbi was there, I think Dani, and then a bunch of those Neerlandians, and a smattering of other, more unlikely additions.

I guess I was pretty excited to watch the movie, because I already knew all of the songs and was intrigued to see what the visuals were like. Unfortunately, the movie was to be watched in a room meant for probably 12 people max, on an approximately 18-inch computer screen with matching small-time computer speakers. Now, I'm not saying this with any anger or resentment (frickin' Jonny), I'm just outlining the abject conditions in which I was almost tempted to lose my Moulin-Rouge-inity. I guess the "True Love Waits" crew that came and danced at my high school really made an impact, because I decided to wait. That bedroom was my back-seat, that computer screen was my half-drunk, and the decision to wait, to hold off, made all the difference. Eventually, I experienced the film in a room I loved, with the right screen, at the right time, and most importantly, I was married.

As far as the soundtrack goes, I really have fond memories of singing with Eric in the halls of the school, but we only sang the good ones. Some of this album is vaguely irritating (read: Fatboy Slim) and some of it is super irritating (read: Christina Aquilera/Pink/Mya/Lil' Kim), but the rest of it does pretty well. Of course, I love Ewan MacGregor and Nicole Kidman's songs, but it does feel a little weird having them in here with David-Fuckin'-Bowie, Bo-Fuckin'-No, and Be-Fuckin'-ck. I mean, come on. (Sorry for the language.)

Various Artists - 'Moulin Rouge' Soundtrack ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Nature Boy, Your Song, Diamond Dogs, Elephant Love Medley, Come What May
Least Favorite Tracks: Lady Marmalade, Because We Can, Rhythm of the Night

1. Nature Boy
2. Lady Marmalade
3. Because We Can
4. Sparkling Diamonds
5. Rhythm of the Night
6. Your Song
7. Children of the Revolution
8. One Day I'll Fly Away
9. Diamond Dogs
10. Elephant Love Medley
11. Come What May
12. El Tango De Roxanne
13. Compliante De La Butte
14. Hindi Sad Diamonds
15. Nature Boy ft. Massive Attack

The Starry Void

2009-10-25T23:17:00.002-06:00

Listening to: Aimee Mann - Lost In Space

Aimee Mann is growing on me. Originally I just listened to her albums in order to do this Musical Journey thing, but now I find myself really enjoying them. I guess I'm a sucker for female singer-songwriters. (Alanis, you slay me.)

I think one of my favorite places in the world is the Margeret Zeidler Theatre in the Telus World of Science. Not only is the name almost unpronounceable, but it's awesome. I feel like I have thousands of great memories from that place. It's so warm and nice, laying down in those reclining chairs, staring up into a starry indoor sky. Probably I just like it because I got some of my best napping done in that planetarium. One specific instance definitely ranks as number two on my list of my three best naps. The first of the other two being the one time Ian and I had a delicious little naptime up in his room at Pete's more recent Eastglen house. We had been hanging out, waiting for Nick to show up, and decided to make use of the couch and bed. Ian was on his bed, and I fell into the deepest, most refreshing, perfectly timed slumber I had ever experienced. The 3rd best nap (though this one's got an asterisk beside it) I've ever experienced came at the Wong's house, when, after inspiration from Jeff, Nathan, Scott, and Aidan, a fairly large group of us tried to stay awake for 72 hours. I probably made it to about 50 hours or so, when I was caught in a beautiful nap on the couch while the TV droned on in the background. I claimed I wasn't sleeping because I didn't want to look the fool, but I really had fallen asleep. The reason it has an asterisk beside it is that within 15 minutes, my short nap took me all the way through 9 hours of the day. So, I suppose it was a little pre-sleep nap. In any case, it was so warm, comfy, and perfect in that big soft couch.

Of course, if you want to hear some real nap stories, I'm sure my man Steven could really blow our minds. He's definitely number one in my fantasy nap league. What a trooper.

I would say Aimee Mann is probably underrated as a female singer-songwriter. It seems like the genre is dominated by Sheryl Crow and Sarah Maclachlan, and Aimee Mann should probably be right up there. Maybe she is, and I'm woefully out of touch, but the fact remains: this is a good album. (Am I too easily pleased on these "CD Reviews"? I don't know.)

Aimee Mann - Lost In Space ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Humpty Dumpty, Pavlov's Bell, Invisible Ink
Least Favorite Tracks: This is How it Goes

1. Humpty Dumpty
2. High on Sunday 51
3. Lost in Space
4. This is How it Goes
5. Guys Like Me
6. Pavlov's Bell
7. Real Bad News
8. Invisible Ink
9. Today's the Day
10. The Moth
11. It's Not

Daytona Splendor - A Thesis (Part Six)

2009-10-24T22:41:00.006-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - The OC Mix 6: Covering Our Tracks

Ahhh, well, we've reached the end of this glorious 6-part series. It's been swell, Internet.

If you've read the previous posts, you'll have a better understanding of where my head was at during that tumultuous Christmas of '04, and, hopefully, a better understanding of what I'm talking about. Now, what I'm currently talking about is the time in my life when I watched The OC and what it meant to me. The OC, during that time period, became something of an escape for me. It was a brutal time, mostly due to the job I hated more than anything, and The OC provided me with a place I could go to, people I could see and hear, and lives that, simply, were anything but mine. And I suppose I relished it. I have probably watched the first season of The OC half a dozen times (with various people and in various circumstances) since then, and everytime I do, I am completely engulfed by the warm, comfortable feelings that it lent me those two days and nights in my wee little bedroom in the cold basement of my parents house. And this is why The OC will always be important to me. This is why Phantom Planet will never really mean more to me than the band that had their single as the theme song for The OC. This is why, in all likelihood, Adam Brody will never reach the same level of success he experienced on The OC, because there are hundreds, thousands of people sort of like me, that see the importance of The OC in their own way, and everything that he (Brody) will pale significantly beside his onscreen portrayal of Seth Cohen. This, in a rather expansive and far too lengthy nutshell, is why I love The OC.

But, if you think back to the beginning of this whole experience, you'll recall that this wasn't my first point. For the next couple of years, The OC was where I took my cues. I became pedantically sarcastic, occasionally broody, occasionally witty, living my life and saying my lines through The OC. This became the person that people would interact with. Not me, but OCme. In much the same way as The Simpsons, The OC became the way I expressed myself, and that's how it went for a while. Eventually, like many things, this lessened, and Arrested Development took over. Combine that with Demetri Martin, Chuck Klosterman, and a few other sources, and you've got (pretty much) current me.

I guess it's unnerving, possibly scary, because I just wonder if I can find me under all the layers of fake selfs that live vicariously in the words and lives of other, fictional, people. Am I even writing this as me? I'm pretty sure I am, but that's the sort of thing, because I've been building such a repertoire of identities, that could be up in the air. I suppose right now, I just wonder who I'll be next, who I'm becoming, which is probably the most frightening thing, because what if I can't figure it out, and I just fade out of all my family pictures like the McFlys? That would suck.

D'oh.

Ok, so I may have lied in the second part of this series when I said the 2nd OC Mix was by far my favorite, because I think this mix is easily tied with that one. The covers of all these great songs are mostly well done (save a few), and a couple are downright fantastic. Give it a listen.

Various Artists - The OC Mix 6: Covering Our Tracks ★★★★★★★✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Can't Get it Out of My Head, Debaser, Smile Like You Mean It, The End's Not Near
Least Favorite Tracks: Pretty Vacant, Come Into Our Room

1. Float On
2. I Turn My Camera On
3. Pretty Vacant
4. California
5. Wasted
6. Can't Get It Out of My Head
7. Debaser
8. Hello Sunshine
9. Smile Like You Mean It
10. Come Into Our Room
11. The End's Not Near
12. Into Dust

Daytona Splendor - A Thesis (Part Five)

2009-10-23T17:23:00.010-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - The OC Mix 5

Again, another continuation of the 4 previous posts, and part 5 in what certainly cannot not be described as an interconnected series of posts for each of the 6 OC Mixes. Yipes!

Well, well, well, here we are again.

So, my leading-lady and I began running lines, just the two of us, leading to late-night conversations regarding the genius of The Weakerthans (she was from Winnipeg), and the merits of tossed salad (she was from Winnipeg). Eventually we had a weird little "mutual-liking-confession" conversation, and we briefly held hands. Now, there's two additional side stories at this point, which, again, for the sake of (a) brevity, and (b) my ego, I'll gloss over reallllll quick.

I think I was a nice guy. I respected women, and I seemed pretty safe. Here's the truth: I was an animal. Nay, a hunter. I lived for the hunt, and once I bagged my prey, that was it. I'd mount the head, and wash my hands of the blood. Ugh, yuck, that's a super-sick metaphor. That's so gross. Plus, I am totally ashamed of my behavior at this point in the story. (And for most of my teen-young adult life, as a matter of fact.)

Anyway, the play went really well, which was followed quickly by two similar "mutual-liking-confessions" with two other girls, leaving me with what appeared to be a rather tumultuous situation on my hands. So, after having had coffee meetings with these three wonderful people, I lay in bed at night, mulling over said tumultuous situation. The facts were these:

1. Three girls wanted to start dating me.
2. I wanted to date each of these girls.
3. I shouldn't have been allowed to date any of those girls because I was an incredible dickwad. (I wasn't totally aware of this at that time.)

Now, having three women discuss the possibility of dating you within the span of one week has a way of playing with a guy's mind. Am I a super-attractive hunk? Could I have a harem? Are harems legal? Are the owners of harems afforded any special priveleges at Costco? And so on. (Nah, I never thought those things. Just there for some humor, I suppose.) Anyway, later that month, I had conversations with each of them that effectively ruined any sort of relationship with all of them, because, as it turns out, I was a self-serving bastard. Each recipient of my "Now is not a good time for me" speech took it differently, and each in ways I did not expect. There was the "OK", with tears, the "OK", without tears, and the "Screw You" with and without tears.

Obviously, the weeks and months over which this situation had developed had left me confused, disappointed, and alone. I mean, who goes from having 3 potential girlfriends one week, to zero, all in the span of a week and a half? Now, there is sort of a point to this whole story, though we'll see when we get to the big conclusion whether it was worth it or not. This section of the story, however, was meant to give you some insight into the period of my life during which The OC meant something to me, how I got there, and why it ended up being such a formative time. Also, there were some witty things I put in there, in the hopes of making someone laugh.

The OC Mix 5, which has been the soundtrack to this portion of this wonderful little trip down self-loathing-er, I mean 'memory' lane, is not my favorite. I mentioned it as a tie for the least favorite, but upon further reflection and listening, it is alone as least favorite. There are some good tracks, but there are some duds. Imogen Heap is gorgeous, I always love Stars, and Gorillaz and Rogue Wave make it pretty cool, but the rest are just really not songs I would've chosen, especially considering the source material.

Alright, I'm really looking forward to wrapping this whole thing up next post, and I hope you are too. Although, I hope you're not looking too forward to it, because that would imply that you have not enjoyed yourself to this point, which really just takes a big bite out of the ol' self-esteem.

P.S. Sorry if this post is too self-deprecating at times. Don't feel uncomfortable.

Various Artists - The OC Mix 5 ★★★✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Publish My Love, Kids With Guns, Your Ex-Lover Is Dead, Hide and Seek
Least Favorite Tracks: Rock & Roll Queen, Wish I Was Dead, Pt. 2

1. Rock & Roll Queen
2. Reason is Treason
3. Wish I Was Dead, Pt. 2
4. Daft Punk Is Playing At My House
5. Publish My Love
6. Forever Young
7. A Requiem for O.M.M.
8. Kids With Guns
9. Na Na Na Na Naah
10. Your Ex-Lover Is Dead
11. California 2005
12. Hide and Seek

Daytona Splendor - A Thesis (Part Four)

2009-10-21T21:50:00.007-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - The OC Mix 4

Yet another continuation of the 3 previous posts, and part 4 in what is most assuredly an interconnected series of posts for each of the 6 OC Mixes. Superb!

Why was The OC important and comforting to me? Because of the time and place I was at. (Uh-oh, there's another dollar in the "End a Sentence with a Preposition" jar.) Where was I at? (Yikes, we just talked about this.) Good question. I'll tell you. I had finished Bible school in April of that year, and had gone on and had a fantastic summer going around to some camps and hanging out. I came home, had oral surgery and got a job as with Clark Builders as a 'general laborer', which, of course, is politically-correct language for 'fucking cocksucker', as I soon found out. It was brutal. Working that job for those 3 or 4 months was the worst time of my life. Every night, I would come home, bask in the brief glory of being my room and not being at work, and then spend the remaining couple of hours before sleep dreading sleep because sleep meant I had to wake up in the morning and drive to work. Because of this, I became somewhat of a mild insomniac, laying awake all night in cold anticipation of sleep. There was a dread that I'm sure would have eventually bore a hole clean through the pit of my stomach if I had stayed there any longer. (I suppose a bright spot may have been my new-found friendship with Everett, but I doubt it.) Of course, the more I look back on it, the more I realize that the greater factor in my life at that time was, as was generally the case in those days, lady-drama.

They always say that you can't make something out of nothing, so, I suppose, on the lady-drama front, I defied scientific logic. I could go on to describe in great detail all of the errors and mistakes I've made when it comes to relating to what is clearly the finer sex, but, for the sake of brevity, I will restrict myself to the important ones. (Plus, those mistakes are well behind me, and I am happily, happily, thrilledly, gloriously married and in love, so what benefit could be had from bringing up all that drudge?)

That fall, the only thing that kept me even remotely sane was a fabulous drama production in which I was to play the lead, Langston Gallagher. Now, to preface, I was not, nor have ever really been, a drama guy. I'd never been in a play before this one, and I've never been in one since, so it's safe to say I'm not really an actor. (I suppose my unnatural beauty may say otherwise, but we'll ignore that for now.) I just like being in front of people. I guess one would assume I'm vain, and one would probably assume right... technically. (Boy, if you weren't convinced of my vanity from the fact that this entire blog is shamelessly self-promoting, this 6-episode arc focusing entirely on me sure should help.) Anyway, I got the lead role (mostly because my cousin was the writer) and was cast alongside this über-cute girl set to play _______. (Well, this won't help the ol' 'I'm-not-vain-I-swear' cause: I can't remember any other characters names. I want to say Sheila, for some reason, even though it's totally not Sheila.) Like a lot of boys, I had this habit of immediately falling in love with pretty girls. And Jolene was pretty. After having realized she was to play my love interest, I began writing headlines in my mind: "Stage Sweethearts Seal the Real Deal", "Method Dating: Actors in Love", "Casual Flirting Backstage Leads to Passionate Make-out Session", and others like them. Before having read the script, I attempted to pen my own work, again in my head, title "How Do I Get Her to Kiss Me and Fall in Love With Me?" (Probably a little too expository for a title, but I'd never written a play before.) Much to my delight, the actual script detailed a romantic scene in which she and I were to come as close to kissing as possible before a thunderclap would break the mood. (Which oddly brings to mind an issue with 'Thunder' as the name for a local college's basketball team. I just don't think it's wise to have a sound as the metaphorical representation of your team. I mean, the 'Bears', they will maul you; the 'Lightning', they will strike you down; but the 'Thunder'? They will maybe startle you slightly (though even that will be foretold) but in the end do no real damage. Anyway, that's probably too much in parentheses.)

So the script called for the encounter I had been imagining, meaning running lines was going to be interesting. Over the following weeks, we practiced and practiced, working our way through the script until we found ourselves face-to-face (literally) with the aforementioned almost-kiss scene. I should mention that I had put my game-face on at the first read-through, and had been firing on all cylinders for the past few weeks, a witty comment here, a playful nudge there; and things were looking good. Obviously I didn't want to rush anything in case it got weird and ruined the whole play, but little 19-year-old me was pretty into this girl. We began to practice the scene with everyone around, it was electric. (Or so I thought.) The romantic tension in that room was so thick, you could've cut it was a baseball. (According to me.) We locked eyes, moved in the for the fake kiss, and *BLAM*. The thunderclap was the most auditorily damaging thing I'd ever experienced. They hadn't really tested the volume of the sound system, so this thing just ripped through the auditorium. It was so jarring, in fact, that she, being shorter than me, jumped straight up in to my looming face, slamming into my nose and bringing forth an unnecessary and embarrassing amount of unstoppable tears. The tears were streaming faster than my mom on an "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" marathon. Naturally, that wasn't the facial meeting I had been building towards, but it was worth a few laughs. (Much later.)

Now, I know you may be thinking, "This is long." You're right. It is. But, have faith! It's sort of building towards my final thoughts over the next couple posts. If you've read this far, you're better than me. I checked out a long time ago. Plus, I can't imagine how interesting this is to anyone other than me. But, I suppose that's what blogging is all about, right?

Ok, before I quit, this OC Mix is probably tied with the 5th one for least favorite of the mixes. I don't know what it is. It may be that the 4th mix and 5th mix are made up of songs from the 3rd (super-lame) season, or it may just be that I like more songs on the other albums. Who knows?

Various Artists - The OC Mix 4 ★★★★✩✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: To Be Alone With You, Scarecrow, The View, Eve The Apple of My Eye
Least Favorite Tracks: Decent Days and Nights, Play, Hardcore Days and Softcore Nights

1. Decent Days and Nights
2. Say Goodnight and Go
3. Fortress
4. On the Table
5. To Be Alone With You
6. Play
7. Scarecrow
8. The View
9. Hardcore Days and Softcore Nights
10. Cartwheels
11. Eve, The Apple of My Eye
12. Champagne Supernova

Daytona Splendor - A Thesis (Part Three)

2009-10-19T23:28:00.006-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - The OC Mix 3

This is a further continuation of the 2 previous posts, and part 3 in what is totally becoming an interconnected series of posts for each of the 6 OC Mixes. Great! (Also, it's kind of weird listening to a Christmas album this early, but also kind of great.)

Eventually, high school ended. Those four glorious years were great. (Ha ha, just a joke. Though of course, it may not be a joke to you, depending on your regional definition of high school. Here in Alberta, high school is three years. By saying four years, I was implying that it took me an extra year to complete high school. Which, though not uncommon, would be horrible! Again, just kidding, a little.)

After high school ended, I, yes, I, got totally swept up in the tidal wave of stunning blondes, witty dialogue, and contrived plots that was The OC. I'd like to be able to say that this fact is shameful, but the truth is that I blatantly enjoyed it. It was like nothing I'd ever watched. It said some things about the cultural zeitgeist, and even added some pretty significant things to it (See: Every nerdy, sarcastic, heartthrob character since 2003).

I watched the first season of The OC in a 2-day span during the Christmas holidays of 2004. I watched all of the 27 episodes, 45 minutes each, in 2 days. This was the level of devotion/addiction/attachment it cultivated in me. Sarah, my now cousin-in-law, gave me 3 burned DVD's with Quicktime files of each episode, and it was on. I'd never really watched a television show that I got involved in before. I mean, sure, I cried when DJ, Steph, and Michelle's grandpa died in a particularly heart-wrenching episode of Full House, and, granted, I felt justified when Larry "Grandma-ma" Johnson showed up to help Urkel win the 2-on-2 basketball tournament that Eddie had previously rejected him (Urkel) from, but I'd never really been involved to the degree that I was with the pulpy characters on The OC. It was hard not to be. You've got your protagonist, Ryan "Kid Chino" Atwood, a fish-out-of-water bad-boy from the wrong side of the tracks, showing that he is so much more than a pair of brooding fists. Then there's Seth "The Ironist" Cohen, the verbose, Gilmore-Girl-like, self-obsessed geek, who turns out to be the poster-boy for a new breed of hipsters. Who could forget Marissa "Cosmo-girl" Cooper, the tortured socialite, torn between a desire to fit in and follow them norm and the need to uncover her true self. And of course, Summer "Little Miss Vixen" Roberts, who matures from a dim-witted brunette Valley-girl into an environmentalist champion in a little over three full seasons. These people drew me in. They meant something to me in that strange period after high school, after Bible school, and it was comforting.

Now, I'm not trying to convince anyone else of the merits of The OC, because, if I were to look at it from a purely objective point of view, I'm sure I'd be easily convinced of it's lack of any merit. But that's the key: everything I do is subjective. I realize that's a pretty obvious thing, but hey. Everything I see, listen to, or think about, is subjective. These are my opinions and reactions, and I would never presume to be able to convince someone else that The OC is important, because it was really only important to me, in that time, and in that place. What was that time and place, you ask? Well, stay tuned to this ever-unraveling saga in our next post: Daytona Splendor's Totally Cool Life After High School, or, How I Learned to Hurt People's Feelings.

Ok, so that was a bit big. But I have to squeeze it all in, and there's only 6 OC soundtracks available. Speaking of which, this album is alright. I probably will like it more at Christmastime, but there are a few really great songs on here, even not at Christmas. Like how you can really love Dave Matthew's 'Christmas Song' at any point, y'know? Some Christmas songs, on the other hand, are just too Christmasy to be enjoyed at any time other than Christmas. This album introduced me to Ron Sexsmith as well, so that's awesome.

Various Artists - The OC Mix 3 ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Rock of Ages, Christmas, Maybe This Christmas
Least Favorite Tracks: Last Christmas

1. The Christmas Song
2. Last Christmas
3. Just Like Christmas
4. Merry Xmas Everybody
5. Rock of Ages
6. Christmas With You Is The Best
7. Christmas Is Going To The Dogs
8. Christmas
9. Maybe This Christmas

Daytona Splendor - A Thesis (Part Two)

2009-10-18T23:15:00.008-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - The OC Mix 2

This is a continuation of the previous post, and part 2 in what will probably be an interconnected series of posts for each of the 6 OC Mixes. Great!

So, here's how it goes: In grade 9, the world of The Simpsons was, effectively, our world. The way we saw it, everything we needed to know we learned in grade 9, watching The Simpsons. It became our conversations, we couldn't talk without someone throwing in a reference every 5 minutes. At the time, we loved it. We ate that shit up. I recall one specific instance in which Nathan Binnema, a genuinely nice guy, yet the nerdy outcast-type of the class, responded to a question from our teacher with the phrase, "Eat My Shorts". From that moment on, Nathan Binnema attained a sort of cult-hero status amongst the males of the class. Those three simple words vaulted him into the upper echelons of coolness in our class. No one really hung out with him very often, but the teasing and talking behind his back came to a halt. He became somewhat larger-than-life in a very enigmatic way, because we were still very much confused by him. When it came down to it though, at his core, we knew who that kid was. He was us. We were him. And we, all of us, had Matt Groening to thank for that.

I suppose this state of being lasted pretty much through high school, with supplementary sources, such as Zoolander, some of the Austin Powers movies, and Family Guy peppered amongst our Simpsons vocabulary. And that's how we liked it. We were sort of losers.

Timeout. The second OC Mix is definitely my favorite of the group of them, and not a bad mix CD at all. It's got some of my favorite bands, and some really great songs. I thoroughly approve the listening to of this album.

Various Artists - The OC Mix 2 ★★★★★★★✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Smile Like You Mean It, A Lack Of Color, Something Pretty, If You Leave, Walnut Tree, Eastern Glow
Least Favorite Tracks: Little House of Savages, So Sweet, Popular Mechanics for Lovers

1.Saturday Morning
2. Hello Sunshine
3. Smile Like You Mean It
4. A Lack Of Color
5. Specialist
6. Something Pretty
7. You Got Me All Wrong
8. If You Leave
9. Big Sur
10. Little House of Savages
11. Trouble Sleeping
12. So Sweet
13. Popular Mechanics for Lovers
14. Walnut Tree
15. Maybe I'm Amazed
16. Eastern Glow

Daytona Splendor - A Thesis (Part One)

2009-10-17T11:52:00.009-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - The OC Mix 1

I'm going to take the next few posts to do a little series on the things I think and have thought about in regards to the Music from the OC. I was considering doing it all in one go, but I know my readership (read: Ian) wouldn't necessarily appreciate the outrageous length, so I'm going to break it up into some small, bite-sized pieces. Keep in mind, also, that this shit's about to get real.

A few years ago, I came to some realizations about myself. One of them, in particular, was, to a degree, unsettling. It is this: I am not funny. Not that I don't understand 'funny', or that I am bad at telling jokes or anything, just that I am not innately funny on my own. Many, I'm sure, are already well-aware of this, but I must admit, that it came as somewhat of a shock to me. The problem lies in the fact that I am not 'originally' funny. Very little of what I say that appears to be funny actually comes from my own brain.

This problem began way back in the 9th grade, when I was on my way up in the ranks of popularity at school. Every Monday morning, all the guys in the class would make our way to the back of the class to, essentially, re-enact, almost entirely, the events of the previous evening's new Simpsons episode. It wasn't always strictly verbatim, but we would all do our best to impress the others with the accuracy of our quotes and the sharpness of our comedic timing. (We were pretty good.) This is something that led me to discover a strange phenomenon about myself, that somehow, in some way, I feel good about myself when I quote some movie or TV show lines to others and they laugh. This is strange, because I can't imagine why I would derive any self-worth from such a circumstance, as I am simply a vehicle through which the comedic genius of others flows. Because, let's be honest, they're not laughing at me, or with me, rather they're simply laughing at what I said, which was created by some 37 year-old writer in a cramped apartment in some neighborhood I wouldn't recognize, with life experiences that I don't have, nor can I relate to.

But, this is a part of my larger issue, and something I'll continue next time!

In the meantime, let me take a minute to extol the virtues of this album. It's pretty cool. (I guess that's not technically considered extolling, but whatever.) It's got some pretty classic tunes by some pretty classic groups. Probably I'm super-influenced by how much I was into the first season of The OC (which I'll expound on later), but some of the songs are really, really great. I enjoy this album.

Various Artists - The OC Mix 1 ★★★★★★✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: The Way We Get By, Caught By The River, Rain City, Orange Sky
Least Favorite Tracks: We Used to Be Friends

1. Paint The Silence
2. Just A Ride
3. Honey and the Moon
4. The Way We Get By
5. Move On
6. How Good It Can Be
7. Caught By The River
8. Rain City
9. We Used to Be Friends
10. Dice
11. Orange Sky
12. California

How Do You Keep a Blonde Busy? (See Post.)

2009-10-16T12:34:00.008-06:00

Listening to: Aimee Mann - I'm With Stupid

The problem with naming your album "I'm With Stupid" is that you immediately associate yourself and the album with every idiot who has ever worn a shirt that says that. Now, it's not that the shirt was awful, it started out innocent enough, but ended up being, as far as I'm concerned, the beginning of a new era in the t-shirt universe. An era that has quickly become the dark ages of the t-shirt. The era I'm talking about is the era of "Hi, I'm Mr. Right, Someone Told Me You Were Looking For Me", "Sarcasm: Just One of My Many Talents", and "F.B.I. Female Body Inspector". The worst part is that we are still, to this day, drowning in an unstoppable sea of these travesties. Nobody reads those shirts and thinks, "Oh, man, that's good, I should tell that person I appreciate their shirt." Ninety percent of the time, I don't even read shirts that have more than three words of writing on the front, because you just know what's coming, and what's coming is inevitably a real disappointment. So, without really thinking about it, before I played any songs from this album, I prepared myself for a disappointment.

Fortunately, this CD starts off pretty cool; with a robust use of the f-word immediately offending my delicate ears. Just kidding. Anyway, after the opening track, the disappointment I expected slowly crept back and bit me. Not great, sorta grungy, definitely different than "The Forgotten Arm", and not really in a good way.

We're still buds, Aimee, just a little less so.

Aimee Mann - I'm With Stupid ★★★★★✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Long Shot, Choice In The Matter
Least Favorite Tracks: Superball, Par For The Course

1. Long Shot
2. Choice In The Matter
3. Sugarcoated
4. You Could Make A Killing
5. Superball
6. Amateur
7. All Over Now
8. Par For The Course
9. You're With Stupid Now
10. That's Just What You Are
11. Frankenstein
12. Ray
13. It's Not Safe

It's French for 'Mushroom'.

2009-10-14T16:21:00.008-06:00

Listening to: Various Artists - 'Once' Soundtrack

Snow followed by warm weather is the pits. Especially when all of the trees outside your window are covered in green leaves. I feel quite deceived. I woke up this morning assuming it is already glorious springtime, when, in actuality, it is merely the onset of what I assume to be another dreadfully long, cold, dumb winter in the City of Champignons. Ahhhh, but enough about the weather, we're not awkward acquaintances with only that as a conversation topic, are we? The answer is no.

I've been known to sport a beard. In fact, in the past several years, I've only 3 times had a completely clean-shaven face. I've discovered that I look like a chubby 12-year-old when I am totally shaved, so I use my number 1 guard on my clippers and have a constant degree of beardedness. As such, I've come to identify with the bearded in life. I find it comfortable and easy to associate with those hirsute enough to grow and maintain a lovely facial carpeting. Beards themselves are funny things, because, as many have noted when it comes to NHL playoff time, it seems like the odds of any person growing a red beard are incredibly high. Why is that? I don't know. As a relatively red-headed person (probably more accurately auburn), I sometimes think these people that have blonde hair with red beards are cheaters and I tend to disassociate myself from them.

What am I getting at? Glen Hansard is the real deal. He's red-headed, Irish, awesome, bearded, and awesome. This soundtrack is awesome. Sometimes I play "Say It To Me Now" super-loud in my car while driving at night and I scream along with him, because the song kills me, and it's gorgeous. Plus, the group-effort-song "Gold" is unbelievable. It (and the scene in which it is played in the movie) makes me wish I had lived in Ireland and grew up in that kind of environment, with the music and the beer and the beards.

Before I leave, let me just give you a quote or two about beards, courtesy of our friends over at Wikipedia:

"The beard is the handsomeness of the face, and a wife is the joy in a man's heart." - R' Akiva, Eicha Rabbah

"A woman with a beard looks like a man. A man without a beard looks like a woman." - Afghan Saying

Various Artists - 'Once' Soundtrack ★★★★★★★★★✩

Favorite Tracks: Falling Slowly, When Your Mind's Made Up, Gold, Once, Say It To Me Now
Least Favorite Tracks: Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy, Fallen From the Sky

1. Falling Slowly
2. If You Want Me
3. Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy
4. When Your Mind's Made Up
5. Lies
6. Gold
7. The Hill
8. Fallen From the Sky
9. Leave
10. Trying to Pull Myself Away
11. All the Way Down
12. Once
13. Say It to Me Now

Yes, The Ol' "Y After AM, Unless It's the Early 90s, Then EE after AIM" Clause

2009-10-08T18:57:00.003-06:00

Listening to: Aimee Mann - Bachelor No. 2

So, technically, I should have listened to this album before the previous one, but, let's not get silly here. In fact, in order to avoid a series of posts in a row on the same artist (as there are several artists with up to 20 albums or so) I think I might, in the case of artists with more than one album, go back and forth between top of the list and the bottom of it. Just to vary things a little. How does that sound? What's that? Nobody cares? Good. Just kidding.

You don't see a lot of people naming their kids Aimee these days. Well, you certainly don't see a lot of them spelling it that way. I always thought that was the only way to spell it, as there was one I attended all of elementary and junior high school with. Of course, eventually I was introduced to 'Amy', the simpler, more classic version. To me, the spelling 'Aimee' screams 'early-90s'. Isn't that weird? I know I've thought of this on more than one occasion, but I've never really considered the actual thought. I'm not sure what it is about the A I M double-E spelling that makes me associate it's look and feel with the 90s. I guess the obvious answer is that I went to school with one in the 90's, but I don't think that's totally it. It's partly my sense of what looks good, and my often silly opinions and preferences. For instance, while I very much love our Canadian/British heritage, I love the way 'color', 'humor', and hey, even 'splendor', look without the added 'u'. And that just comes down to personal taste, right? Right.

Wellllll, this album is pretty good. I don't deny that. I think I've decided I like Aimee Mann. It's not mind-blowing or anything, but each track is well-crafted, and they don't all fade together. Good stuff, everyone.

Aimee Mann - Bachelor No. 2 ★★★★★✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: How I Am Different, Red Vines

Least Favorite Tracks: The Fall of the World's Own Optimist

1. How Am I Different
2. Nothing Is Good Enough
3. Red Vines
4. The Fall of the World's Own Optimist
5. Satellite
6. Deathly
7. Ghost World
8. Calling It Quits
9. Driving Sideways
10. Just Like Anyone
11. Susan
12. It Takes All Kinds
13. You Do

Get Ready to Live, Love, Laugh.

2009-10-07T23:56:00.007-06:00

Listening to: Aimee Mann - The Forgotten Arm

The first time I ever heard Aimee Mann singing was when I was driving with Scott in his Dad's old car, which may or may not have been a Chrysler LeBaron, on the way to my uncle's screenprinting shop to do some work making t-shirts. This was probably in grade 11 or so, maybe earlier, but I'm not sure. I know it was grade 11 at the latest, because I didn't have my license. I can't remember why Scott and I were working for my uncle Glen, but I do remember it was a weird time, because the guys that worked there were insane. If you've ever done any screenprinting, you know the drill: slop the ink on the screen, pull the squeegee across, release the screen, throw the shirt up on to the heater conveyor belt, repeat. Well, these crazy dudes added an extra step in there right after releasing the screen wherein they would clap their hands, with their non-dominant hand making a sort of cup so they could get a perfect 'pop' from their clap. It was super weird. They had this whole theory about how if you could get the 'pop' every time you were totally in the zone and your whole being was centered in the moment. They had created this whole new-agey sort of zen apotheosis thing around it, and they were way too intense about it. Weird dudes.

Anyway, Scott and I were driving to the screenprinting shop, and he put in the soundtrack to "I Am Sam", and the first song was a duet with Aimee Mann and Michael Penn. I think we probably skipped that song pretty quick, as the Black Crowes and Eddie Vedder were a lot cooler at the time. Later on, I listened to the song, "Two of Us", and quite enjoyed it. Her name was always sort of linked in my head as an artist I sort of liked, but I never actively sought out any of her music because female singer-songwriters weren't high on my list of priorities (aside from Alanis, of course) at the time.

It's pretty funny how simply playing an album like this (which is quite good, by the way) can bring up all these hilarious memories. I really like this new blogging thing, it's exciting to see what's going to come up in my head. It's an adventure for all of us! A shared adventure! We are all together!

I actually really like this CD. It's got a pretty cohesive storyline to it, about boxing and alcohol addiction. I always kind of like concept albums, because while I like individual songs being stories, I like it even better when they all combine to make one BIG story. Maybe I should figure out some sort of recommendation or rating system in order to track my progress... I'll put it in the sidebar, maybe... Interesting...

P.S. I just sort of scanned over the Wikipedia entry on Aimee Mann and realized she was the Nihilist who had her little toe cut off in The Big Lebowski! She's cool!

Aimee Mann - The Forgotten Arm ★★★★★★★✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Dear John, Goodbye Caroline, Little Bombs

1. Dear John
2. King of the Jailhouse
3. Goodbye Caroline
4. Going Through the Motions
5. I Can't Get My Head Around It
6. She Really Wants You
7. Video
8. Little Bombs
9. That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart
10. I Can't Help You Anymore
11. I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas
12. Beautiful

Some More Stories Involving Mike.

2009-10-06T20:02:00.006-06:00

Listening to: Abandoned Pools - Humanistic

Unfortunately, I wasted all the stories about me finding out about Abandoned Pools in my last post, so I guess I'll just have to throw some stuff out there, see what sticks.

Probably the first thing I think of when I hear the words 'Abandoned Pools' is the one time when I was driving around with Mike, and I think his girlfriend-at-the-time, and he took us to this abandoned pool in Sherwood Park. (Pretty distant connection, I know.) It was this old acreagey kinda place, sort of off Wye Road and the pool was half-filled with dirt and scum and gross plants and shopping carts and shovels. Apparently Sherwood Park skateboarding high schoolers used to go there all the time, dreaming of what it could be if they cleared all the crap out of it, but that never happened. Later on, Mike and I listened to Ryan Adams in the ol' Wagovan. Cool!

If I had to pick a car that was pretty much never cool, it would be the Wagovan. It was just not a cool car at any point. I mean, who wants an oversized hatchback with some strange manu-matic transmission and little to no suspension? I'll tell you who: nobody. Nobody wants that.

There is one good song on this album. And I listened to it way at the beginning. So, that's disappointing. Better luck next time, I guess.

Abandoned Pools - Humanistic ★★★★★✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Start Over, Suburban Muse

Least Favorite Tracks: Pretty much everything else

1. The Remedy
2. Mercy Kiss
3. Start Over
4. Monster
5. Blood
6. Suburban Muse
7. Sunny Day
8. L.V.B.D.
9. Ruin Your Life
10. Never
11. Seed
12. Flourescein

I Never Asked to Be A Fisherman...

2009-10-04T18:47:00.012-06:00

Listening to: Abandoned Pools - Armed to the Teeth

Well, after the overwhelming success of my first post in this new era, I decided I'd get right at the next on the list and in doing so, begin another new era, the era of consistent posts. Thrice in two days! Fourice in four days! Good.

In 2006, my cousin Nate decided to go to Bible School near me, so he came and lived with us for a while, and then stayed at my Granny's house for the year, which was only a couple of blocks away from where I lived at the time. In the bosom of my parents. Still sucking at their proverbial teats. That's a disgusting and scarring metaphor that I should delete, but it's just a touch funny, so I'll leave it in there.

Anyways, it was during this time that Nate introduced me to the all-too-brief, all-too-hilarious television series, Clone High. I thought the intro song was neato, and Nateo (see that?) told me that it was by this band, Abandoned Pools. So, like I does, I downloaded a couple of their albums to check them out. The first one I got was this one, and I listened to it when I mowed the lawn several days after I got it. I enjoyed it. That could have been due to the music itself, or the fact that I love mowing my lawn.

It's a pretty OK album as far as relatively predictable indie pop stuff goes, not a favorite, and certainly nothing on it comes close to the lyrical genius of their Clone High theme song:

Way, way back in the 1980s,
Secret government employees,
Dug up famous guys and ladies,
And made amusing genetic copies,

Now, the clones are sexy teens, now,
They're gonna make it if they try,
Loving, learning, sharing, judging,
Time to laugh, and shiver, and cry.

The problem for me with listening to this music is that all I want to do now is watch clips of Clone High on the internet. So, I'm going to do that. In fact, I'll even leave you with another of my favorite scenes from the show:

Abandoned Pools - Armed to the Teeth ★★★★✩✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: Lethal Killers, Armed to the Teeth

Least Favorite Tracks: Hunting (The Universe Breaks My Heart), Sailing Seas

1. Lethal Killers
2. Rabble
3. The Catalyst
4. Tighter Noose
5. Waiting to Panic
6. Hunting (The Universe Breaks My Heart)
7. Armed to the Teeth
8. Sooner or Later
9. Sailing Seas
10. Renegade
11. Maybe Then Someday
12. Goodbye Song

Ahh, The Memories.

2009-10-03T18:17:00.014-06:00

Listening to: A.F.I. - Sing the Sorrow

This album immediately sends me back to the townhouse that Eric, Russ, Jeff, and all those other guys lived in back when I was in grade 12. Not because I was there a lot or anything, but because it’s where I listened to it the first time, thanks to my buddy Michael. He wanted to play it for everybody because there were a couple songs that he though were pretty rad. I remember everyone there (who were pretty heavy into Coldplay at the time) being kind (particularly Jeff), but not overly receptive to it. I’ve always greatly respected Michael’s musical opinions, so I went out and bought the CD the next day.

It’s funny that I thought of this story, because the first song , Miseria Cantare, is one I used in making this video of Michael being good at soccer. THE VERY SAME MICHAEL! Crazy. In fact, if it weren’t for Michael, none of this *wide arm motions indicating the blogging kingdom I’ve created* would be possible. Daytona Splendor wouldn’t exist! Daytona Splendor was a name Michael and I came up with for the lead character in movie we made back when we were little boys. I played the part of Daytona Splendor, and he the part of Cash Smith. Oh man, we were geniuses. Geniusi. Genii. Whatever.

As much as I like to think my musical tastes have grown over the years, there’s something very affecting about memory on one’s feelings regarding things like this. I wouldn’t say A.F.I. is a band I ever loved, or one that I would see myself loving these days, but I really love this album, simply because of the nostalgic reverie into which it transports me. I think that feeling is a pretty common one, but it’s a neat one, because people understand it, but always in a very different way, unique to each individual. Deep shit there. Yikes.

Anyway, altogether Sing the Sorrow is a pretty good album. Of course, grade 12 was a pretty good year.

A.F.I. – Sing the Sorrow ★★★★✩✩✩✩✩✩

Favorite Tracks: The Leaving Song Pt. 2, the first half of …But Home in Nowhere

Least Favorite Tracks: Death of Seasons, The Great Disappointment

1. Miseria Cantare – The Beginning
2. The Leaving Song Pt. 2
3. Bleed Black
4. Silver and Cold
5. Dancing Through Sunday
6. Girl’s Not Grey
7. Death of Seasons
8. The Great Disappointment
9. Paper Airplanes (Makeshift Wings)
10. This Celluloid Dream
11. The Leaving Song
12. … But Home in Nowhere

A (Slightly) New Direction.

2009-10-03T15:23:00.002-06:00

I've been wanting to get into blogging relatively regularly again, but I've been having trouble with it. It's a weird thing, 'cause I really like to blog, I just have been totally shut down by some sort of 'bloggers block', or 'blogk' as I like to say. Now, that being the case, I've decided what I'm going to do.

I was looking through my iTunes library today, and it turns out I have 31 days, 1 hour, 11 minutes, and 44 seconds worth of music in there. As you can imagine, there is absolutely no way I'm able to listen to most of it regularly. Not to mention the fact that I've downloaded so much music in the last couple years that I haven't even really listened to some of it at all, and I'm sure there's at least a day's worth of music that I didn't even realize I had. So, my plan for me, and this blog, is to start at the top and work my way alphabetically through the music, listening to it, commenting, making various inappropriate remarks and general train-of-thought mental connections, keeping fit, and having fun.

I figure that with this method, I'll be able to at least have some sort of backbone around which to center my blogging, and if nothing else, I'll be able to finally hear some great music that I'm sure I have.

Alright. Good enough.

Next post: Starting at the top with AFI. (I didn't say all the music was going to be great.)

Monster Might Eat My Feet.

2009-10-01T10:48:00.002-06:00

I had a dream the other night that I was at a large family event at an oversized version of my parents' house, and it was sweet. It was a fairly normal dream, almost to the point of being reality. There were cousins and kids playing in the various rooms of the house, and at one point we sang Happy Birthday to someone. Then, Uncle Tim turned into Simon Cowell and started yelling at everyone. From that point on, the dream was awful and terrifying and I woke up sweating. Of course, I didn't take the covers off because if you know anything about monsters, you know that if you aren't under the protective powers of your covers, they can get you. So, I sweat profusely until I fell back asleep.

Later on, I drew a picture of Simon Cowell.

Hot-Aired! Bloons!

2009-08-14T22:29:00.002-06:00

There are few men that really catch my eye, and I must say that Ryan Reynolds is definitely one of them. Naturally, I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.

And now, for a serious treat. I made a poster for a certain Doctor friend of mine, for his latest and greatest invention, and here it is!

The Pump, The Pump, The Pump? The Pump for All!

2009-08-13T13:36:00.005-06:00

Part of me thinks that everyone should wear Reebok Pumps all the time. It's a relatively small part of me that thinks that, so I'm not trying too hard to make it happen.

MUPPETS.

2009-08-09T21:07:00.004-06:00

I was watching an SNL rerun last night, and Rosario Dawson was the host. It occurred to me, as I watched, that she bore a striking resemblance to Janice, lead guitar player of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. Then I started to think of other people that looked like Janice, and I thought that Donatella Versace was a dead ringer. Turns out the internet thought of it before I did. Someone made up a whole list of Muppets and their celebrity lookalikes, and they're fairly accurate. The list is here if you're interested. (It's also on like a hundred other sites, this one had the most comprehensive list of the three I looked at.)

Muppets are great. Muppets!

A Small Piece of Advice

2009-08-06T22:20:00.003-06:00

If anyone ever takes anything away from this blog, let it be this:

The distinction between nepotism and necrophilia is hugely important. Especially during job interviews that your uncle lined up for you.

Now that that's taken care of, let's move on to the less 'possibly-offensive' part of the post. Also known as the boring part. Also known as the better part of this entire blog. (That last sentence is also known as shameless self-deprecation so that, in a strange way, I feel better about myself.)

Wellllll, I guess there's not much else to say today. Bye now.

ED: Everyone's Doing (It).

2009-08-03T20:36:00.006-06:00

This weekend we had a family reunion out in Red Deer, a town in which I've only seen a deer once, and it was a regular one. (Looks like the town council's about to have a pretty hefty misrepresentation lawsuit on their hands.) We swam in the Red Deer River, a river in which I've only seen a deer once, and it was a regular one. (Looks like the river council's about to have a pretty hefty misrepresentation lawsuit on their hands.)

Tonight we were too worn out from the weekend to bother making any supper, so we made some immigrants do it for us. Just kidding. Sorta. We ordered some takeout from Tokyo Express Sushi, which, for the record, was delightful. (Got that "the record"?)

Here's a picture I took of Jennie a few months ago, whilst on a thoroughly boring road trip to Lloydminster.

The picture didn't originally have that big translucent word across it. I added that myself. I almost wasn't going to put this up here, because I didn't want people questioning my libido, but I'm confident in my manhood, so there it is.

McDonalds Boned Me.

2009-07-31T18:57:00.002-06:00

The Royal Alberta Museum: what a treat. Those hallowed halls have haunted me since I was a young lad. Haunted me in a good way. I don't lay awake at night terrified of the spaces between galleries. Though, I did see an old lady in the hall today that looked oddly witchlike.

I got home from the museum and made chicken vegetable wraps with my ladyfriend and we ate them. Then we did the dishes.

Later in the evening, we went to buy camping chairs. Unfortunately, we found none. Then we decided to get two one-dollar pops from McDonalds and go for a walk in the river valley. I ordered the pops, paid my $2.10, and then pulled up to the pickup window. The man fetched my pops, handed them to me and started to walk away. I said, "Now hang on just a cottonpickin' minute. Is there any ice in these things?" To which he replied, "Ohhhh, no, sorry, our ice machine is broken; has been all day." Incredulous, I responded, "Really? Oh, ok." Without another word, I drove off with our two lukewarm pops and fumed for the better part of the 5 minute trip to the park. Then I realized I didn't care.

Hey! Hey! Look at Me!

2009-07-30T23:43:00.002-06:00

Tonite I went to a "celebrity" softball game. If you'll notice, I put quotes around the word "celebrity". The reason I did this, is that I thought that perhaps one of them could maybe qualify as a celebrity. But not really, even. Willie Pless, while being a rather well-known ex-CFLer, probably wouldn't come up as anything but a G or H-list athlete-celebrity. Sorry, Tony Gabriel, you don't really qualify.

It was a weird game, with the umpire/backcatcher/loudmouth Gabriel making simply awful comments the whole time. Who's idea was it to give him a microphone anyway? I mean, it's not that I didn't love his borderline racism, horrible jokes about dead people, and generally off-putting behaviour, but wasn't there, oh I don't know, ANYONE ELSE AVAILABLE TO COMMENTATE?

Big deal.

Me and my buddy Ben had fun.

My hat was too small.

I didn't get a free hot dog and pop like everybody else.

I paid for a corn dog. It burnt the ceiling of my mouth. Hey, there's something! Everyone calls it the roof of your mouth, but isn't ceiling more accurate? I know Marky T would be rolling over in his grave if I called it the roof of my mouth, and he's not even dead yet.

This has been a real pleasure. Sorry if it's not funny. It takes a little while to get the ol' blogpants to fit right again. Not to worry though, I'm not wearing any pants.

Mr. Daytona Splendor

Memory Lane is Beautifully Furnished.

2009-07-30T08:50:00.005-06:00

Now, I know blogs have fallen out of favor with a lot of people in recent years, but I just took some time looking back over some of the posts from July of '04 to November of '06, and I realized I like blogging. It's kinda cool having a brief record of different things over the years, and I think blogs are a relatively quick and efficient way of chronicling certain parts of one's life. So, I'm going to do it more. I don't really care if anyone reads it, I suppose, because it's really more for me than it is for you, faceless Internet world. Along with this, and maybe you'll think less of me for admitting this, I sort of liked the little blogging circles we had on the ol' Info Supe Way. I liked seeing what other people wrote and were up to, and knowing that I wasn't just creeping them on their Facebook status updates. The Facebook update seems cheaper, somehow, than a blog, and I, for one, felt more honorable reading someone's blog than checking out their latest pics. I'm sure there are those of you who disagree with me, which is totally fine and probably more right, but I like the blogs. They felt more intimate than Facebook. I mean, I have upwards of 400 friends on Facebook, and I only look at about 5 of them on any sort of regular basis. It's that kind of blatant whoring out of myself that I didn't have on my blog, and it was nice. People had to work a little harder to find our blogs, and even if they found them, it wasn't always clear who was who, and I liked that. I liked that we knew who was who, and we had fun writing posts about trivial matters, or real matters, and responding to one another. Or maybe you didn't, and I was the only one having fun. But I doubt that.

I'm not trying to make this into a call to blog-arms (or maybe I am), I just wanted to reminisce a little, I suppose. In any case, I'm going to be blogging. I'm not trying to say that as some earth-shaking pronouncement of my return to this little place, simply that if you want to read some slightly funny things every now and then, here's one option.

Hello,

DS

P.S. I know there are those of you, better people than me, who have kept up their blogs since their inception, and I think you're awesome.

The Truth About the Chilliwack Concert

2009-03-17T23:51:00.002-06:00

I've never listened to an album of Chilliwack's, nor have I listened to any of their songs on purpose. And I'm not 45 either. We went to see the sequel to that movie with Johnny Depp and Keira "I Ruined Pride & Prejudice" Knightley, and we dressed up. The preparations were hasty as we didn't have a lot of time. Mostly we tied a lot of things to our wrists and legs and drew moustaches on our faces, because neither Dale nor I were hirsuit enough to grow one. (Jennie's a girl, and therefore couldn't.) We watched the movie.

When I'm in a movie theatre, I like to spend most of my time looking around at the other moviegoers, pretending they're the undead. Everyone mindlessly staring at the screen, laughing at the same time in the same manner. It's a little funny. Of course, watching people in a movie theatre is pretty creepy.

It ended and we decided to go for a walk, as the Hope Music Festival was on that weekend and we wanted to see if we could sneak in. Walking around Hope is like walking around a juvenile prison. They are these cells on either side of the road that hold convicts usually for just a year or two before they're out. Convicts like Anna's Incense (her sentence is over), Skinny's Grille (should make parole before this summer), The Blue Moose Cafe (one of the longer term residents), and the Hope Pharmasave (a real lifer).

As you walk past these cells, there are calls and jeers from all directions, especially when you're dressed as a pirate. Everyone's family in Hope, even if all that means is everyone's open for conjugal visits. It's a depressing place, even if you've landed on "Just Visiting". So we walk towards the Hope Fair Grounds wondering what security is like. Pretty tight. One big guy in a yellow t-shirt. Frick.

We decide to head to the Zen Gardens, where at least if we don't get to the concert we might make it to some state of spiritual enlightenment. After climbing up to the back of the Zen Garden, it's obvious that if we just hop the fence between the sparse cedars we'd be in the fair ground, however, Chilliwack is in the middle of My Girl (Gone, Gone, Gone) and in the spirit of Zen, we don't want to ruin it. So, we stand, sit, crouch on rocks, trees, dirt in the upper level of the Zen Garden, a perfect view of the main stage, and of Chilliwack, setting a crowd of 200 midlife crisis cases on fire. They finish their set, the crowd disperses, we acheive Zen and pile back into Dale's Firebird and head back to camp.

Well, I Guess We Know Where Hercules Didn't Get His Strength From.

2009-03-05T00:05:00.001-07:00

The mighty hero Herakles (Hercules) is about to slay the Hydra. He appears to be barefoot and naked, but there is a lion-skin cloak on his back, part of which conceals his genitals. He doesn’t seem to have any pubic hair.

Aha!

2009-03-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

‘This here young lady,’ said the Gryphon, ‘she wants for to know your history, she do.’

‘I’ll tell it her,’ said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: ‘sit down, both of you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.’

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, ‘I don’t see how he can even finish, if he doesn’t begin.’ But she waited patiently.

‘Once,’ said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, ‘I was a real Turtle.’

St. Patrick's Day.

2009-03-03T13:40:00.003-07:00

I think Newfoundland and Labrador aren't really helping the misconceptions about their fair province/weird-little-colony with their new tourism advertisements on the TELEVISION these days. It looks like a great place, lots of neat scenery and whatnot, but the crux of the commercial on the TELEVISION comes at the end, when, in the little black bar at the bottom of the TELEVISION screen, an information number appears, appealing for you, the TELEVISION viewer, to call "Patrick" at 1-800-whatever. No joke here, Newfoundland and Labrador want you to call "Patrick". Don't worry, "Patrick" will handle your call and direct you as far as how to experience to endless opportunities of his Land. I suppose they're not expecting much buzz to be generated from this series of ads on the TELEVISION, seeing as the only person they have manning the phones is "Patrick", undoubtedly a real live-wire. Poor "Patrick", he's probably all alone in a tiny converted cannery off the coast, soaking in the stench of the Atlantic Cod of Yore, waiting for the phone to ring and put an end to his misery-filled solitude.

Well, "Patrick", for all you do, this Blog's for you.

Two Learned, Robed, Bearded, and Barefoot Gentlemen Converse, Books in Their Lap. The Smoke-filled Scene is Lit by a Single Flame.

2009-03-02T09:06:00.001-07:00

I'm a Shameful Boy.

2009-02-23T22:17:00.007-07:00

So, I have to admit something. I've been watching The Bachelor for roughly two months now, and it's getting very close to the end of the season, and there is just something I really need to get off my chest.

Stephanie Hogan, the 36-year-old mother of one, and Christopher Bosh, the 6'10" father of Andrea Bargnani are the same person.

Almost.

I mean, sure, she's white, short, has had one-too-many facelifts, and recently was denied a rose from Bachelor Jason Mesnick, and he is black, tall, naturally resembles a brontosaurus, and recently was denied a rose from Bachelor Jason Mesnick, but there are a lot of similarities.

Just look at the picture. See the cowboy hat? EXACTLY the same.

An Original Thought.

2009-02-05T23:38:00.004-07:00

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Listen to me. Hey, hey. Hey.

Ok, get this: What's the deal with Nickelback, right? Like, make some new music, instead of just slight variations on "How You Remind Me", right? Yeah. Here's an illustration to illustrate my point. Literally.

Those Crafty Swedes.

2009-02-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

IKEA: Friend or Foe?

The Swedes have got a stranglehold on North America. The allure of IKEA is too great for our simple minds, and the blonde-haired owners of this mega-store know it. They've been manipulating Western fools for too long, and it's time we end their tyrannical rule. Why do I need outrageously cheap, sturdy, inexpensive, easily transportable, well-designed, affordable home furnishings? I'll tell you why: because the Swedes say so.

The secret to the success of this Swedish giant is in plainly obvious. The meatballs. IKEA's mind-controlling meatballs. I'm not entirely sure of the science behind it all, but I can say this with all certainty: the meatballs are the source of their power.

One meatball to rule them all.

Marky, M'boy, I Still Love You.

2009-02-03T22:23:00.004-07:00

I love Mark Wahlberg. I think he's great. He's cool, funny, suave, able to laugh at himself, good-looking, smart, attractive, and not ugly, among other things. But, in The Happening he was bad. I don't know if they did a lot of different takes of each scene, but in the end, everything he said had the same style of interrogatory inflection that he has become known for. What I mean is that he has this way of talking that makes it sound as though every sentence is a question, even when it's just a statement. Which, as fun as it is when Andy Samberg does it, can get on the ol' nerves. But, with Marky Mark's bad acting aside... Oh, no, wait, The Happening sucked on top of that. M. Night really dropped the ball on this one. The viewer figures out what's going on in about 3 minutes, and then the viewer automatically assumes that there will be some huge twist at the end that completely changes all their previous assumptions and makes them look the fool. Unfortunately for said viewer, said twist never occurs, disappointing fans worldwide.

In conclusion, The Happening was silly and boring and not funny and dumb and should have had a bigger role for John Leguizamo. That is all.

Some Great Television.

2009-02-02T10:23:00.003-07:00

My wife and I sat down on the couch the other night, and lo and behold, a gift from the heavens appeared on the television screen before our very eyes! We were fortunate enough to stumble upon the season premiere of Hell's Kitchen! And, after watching the show, Hell's Kitchen seems too tame a name for that demon-infested bog of damnation.

What an outrageous program! This Gordon Ramsay fellow is a real pissy Brit, coming off as a sort of twisted mash-up of Simon Cowell, the Queen, Satan, and 100 pounds of melted-down sin, formed into what appears to be a 4-time runner-up in an Early-Nick-Nolte-Look-alike Contest who made a wig from Hugh Grant's mid-90's hair, died it blonde, and teased it just a little bit more.

Recently it's been announced that Ramsay swore 243 times during the 2-hour premiere. Now, if we remove the customary half-hour of commercials on a 2-hour program, we're left with one and a half hours of the show: 90 minutes in which to fit 243 expletives. Now, supposing, quite generously, that he was the one talking on-screen for even half of that time, 45 minutes, he would have to make the censors do their dance every eleven seconds.

On national television. Every eleven seconds.

The only scenario I can think of wherein you would hear naughty words that often would be if you were to force-feed speed to the cast of The Wire, tell them they aren't being paid, light them on fire one-by-one, and let the cameras roll.

What a wild world.

Thoughts About the World.

2009-01-29T14:32:00.002-07:00

Commercials for the Olympics just aren't as inspiring as they were when I was a wee lad. Especially when the kid at the end of that one shouts, "And Canada wins the Games!" That just sounds ridiculous. Canada wins the Games? The entire Winter Games? Really? There's inspiring, and then there's delusional. Also, can a single country just "win" the Games? I don't know.

Sports, hey? What a world, what a world.

Now I Know How Archie Must Feel.

2009-01-20T10:03:00.006-07:00

Today is a day like any other, with one huge exception: it's TUESDAY! We all know what that means! Wink, wink.

I got two remote-controlled helicopters over the Christmas break, but my wife says I have to return at least one of them. This, of course, leaves me in a tough situation. Both of the helicopters have some real neat features, and I find myself dragging my feet in regards to this decision.

For you see, on the one hand, the Wowee Flytech Bladestar has an autopilot sensor that makes it fly around on its own, which is pretty cool. It also uses the sensor if you have a friend with another one and want to dogfight them. (And if Michael Vick is reading, no, not that kind. Chortle, chortle.)

The Air Hogs Havoc Stinger, on the other hand, has blinking eyes, it looks like a big bug, and takes more skill and awesomeness to fly.

Oh right, I only have the receipt for one of them. Well, looks like this is farewell, Flytech Bladestar. Maybe we shall meet again, when you are on sale for half-price when my wife is feeling particularly spendy.

What a Wild Province!

2008-12-10T22:44:00.002-07:00

Today I went to the Royal Alberta Museum. I looked at the Wild Alberta Gallery, filled with all those lovely animals standing perfectly still. It was magical. Not so much in the literal sense of the word, though. Mostly, the magic I felt was nostalgia, the cheapest magic there is!
It brought me back, waaay back, to when I was a wee lad in elementary school on a field trip. Blah, blah, blah, it was fun, memories, etc, boring.

In summary, the animal kingdom is once again safe and sound, dead, behind inch-thick plexi-glass in the museum. Never fear, Mother Nature, we'll protect you!

I've Harnessed Me a Whirlin' Dervish!

2008-12-09T11:06:00.003-07:00

Aha! The jig is up! The game is afoot! The Internet is back! Looks like everyone was fooled, no? You thought that the end of blogging had come, but no! It hasn't. Daytona and Easy are taking the Internet by storm, and you're invited to join us in the eye of it all! (The proverbial eye of the proverbial storm which the Internet is being proverbially taken by, just to clarify for those who don't follow metaphors real well.)

Onwards! There is so much to discuss, so much to mock, so little to revere, let us waste nary a minute! Come one, come all, follow these blogs of Internet-swill, because they'll make your life that much more livable!

Here we go again...

AGAIN.

Well, Duh.

2008-07-06T05:10:00.002-06:00

As if it weren't already obvious enough to everybody with half a brain:

Coffee Makes Me Poop.

2008-06-26T12:50:00.001-06:00

It does.

I'm Reappropriating the Term.

2008-06-24T11:53:00.002-06:00

Last night, before falling asleep, I decided-- wait a minute, clarifying with "before falling asleep" in this instance was ridiculous; of course I wasn't asleep yet, I made decisions, I thought about things; silly me-- that I wanted to write a sitcom, because I wanted to show my wife how funny I am. Good news, world, I'm writin' a situational comedy about two white people living in Vermont, living life and lovin' that great Vermont Cheddar. It's going to be called "Crackas and Cheese".

Look for it in the fall.

Google Mind Maps.

2008-06-22T20:32:00.003-06:00

Oh! Hello, world. What will I share today? Let's find out together, shall we?

Being married, I find that the location my mind most often wanders to is the beautiful intersection of My Wife and Naked.

Why do I say this?

Because I can.

It's Easier than Martyrdom.

2008-06-18T22:28:00.004-06:00

Today I did the dishes twice. The first time I did them was midday. The second time was after supper.

If I'm not mistaken, this should put me in the running for sainthood.

Well, Well, Well.

2008-06-17T17:35:00.003-06:00

Well, Internet, looks like it's just you and me. Time to get down to brass tacks.

We've had our share of plot twists in the last few years, but through it all, we've maintained a close relationship. I think the fact that this blog still exists is a testament to that fact, and I, for one, am glad of it.

What I'm trying to get to is that I want to come back, if you'll have me, that is. I would like to renew my efforts at chronicling whatever comes to me, and I'd like for us to do it together. Daytona and Internet, together, not apart, forever.

Another Quote!

2008-03-10T01:10:00.003-06:00

"Well, mom, since you're so concerned with free will, choose to make me supper. Right now."

- Me

Quote!

2008-03-08T03:32:00.005-07:00

"You should've made the password a dirty word, like 'sex'. That would've been more appropriate."

- JB

Number Three.

2008-01-24T22:41:00.003-07:00

Number Two.

2008-01-24T22:41:00.001-07:00

Number One.

2008-01-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

This Blog is NOT for Those Who Are Faint-Hearted.

2008-01-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

I barfed the other night while at my cousins house. I started feeling really ill midway through the cinematic masterpiece that is "Armageddon" and I turned to my fiancee and said, "Hey, we gots to go. I'm'a puke all over this place." So, we started to take our leave, but luckily, just before we walked out, I said, "Hmmm, maybe I'll just stand here in the washroom for a second." Then, I stuck my head in the toilet bowl and barfed as everyone listened from around the corner.

It was then that I realized that I was not barfing into the toilet bowl at all, but rather into a HUMAN HEAD!

Alanis Morissette Screwed Everything Up.

2007-11-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I dropped a boot on my foot and it really hurt.

Later on, I wondered if that was irony.

Living Downstairs.

2007-11-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

It's getting so late, but I can't go to bed because I have to pee. I'm just going to go in this bottle.

Poll O' the Day!

2007-11-20T00:14:00.000-07:00

POLL:

What if I told you some outlandish statement? Would you believe me?

o Yes

o No

RESULTS:

Unavailable.

Purely Hypothetical.

2007-11-19T23:23:00.000-07:00

If I were a musician that had been turned into a country, I'd be Bjork.

'Running Sucks,' Says Entire World.

2007-09-17T21:51:00.001-06:00

I just went out for a run in the brisk evening air, thinking that it would be a great idea to clear my head and make my body into a beautiful thing again. After several minutes of running, I questioned my previous reasoning that had me outside in the first place. I really don't know how I feel about running. It's like walking but really fast and with more effort and your feet are allowed to leave the ground between strides and you get really tired really quick, so that's neat. The thing about running is that when you say you really want to go running, that's a lie. Nobody ever really wants to go running, they just want to be in shape. If there was a way to drop 10 pounds and have some great cardiovascular health that wasn't running or some shitty thing like that, roughly 100% of people on earth would choose that alternative. In this way, we can create a flow chart to describe this process.

Did You Know? No You Didn't. Now You Do.

2007-09-05T22:50:00.001-06:00

Did you know that everyone loves a blog? It's the straight truth. Everyone has a blog with which they are in love. Blogging is like 70's style clothing in that it is cool in cyclical phases. It's like, when my older sister Erin was in grade 9, big bell-bottomy pants were the coolest thing going, but, now that Erin isn't in grade 9 anymore, they aren't cool. In fact, there's probably some sort of direct correlation between Erin being in grade 9 and bell-bottomy-type 70's pants being cool. Also, almost the very opposite pants are now cool: those being those really skinny tight ones that you can't actually fit over your foot and ankle bone. In this same way, blogging is cool again.

HP for JC.

2007-08-07T23:50:00.000-06:00

I'm reading Harry Potter. So far Harry hasn't killed Voldemort, so I guess I'm not done yet.

Fractions Are Just Too Hard.

2007-07-20T09:43:00.000-06:00

A Post of High Quality.

2007-07-12T16:55:00.000-06:00

Last night I had an epiphany. It snuck up on me, and I don't really know where it came from. But it was so grandiose, I could hardly believe it was happening. Normally these kinds of stories are retarded and gay, but I'm neither, so this is gonna be good. Won't you join me on this journey? That's the kind of thing I would've said if I wanted you to leave. But I don't, so let's pretend I said 'Screw you, leave if you want, but you're sure as hell going to miss out on some seriously awesome stuff.' Look, now I did say that. Probably you're experiencing a bit of a dilemma, something much like the only song non-punks know from the entire Clash catalogue: Should I stay or should I go?

Ah, too late anyway, your moment of hesitation ruined it for all of us, no story today.

SNACK TIME!

2007-06-22T15:33:00.000-06:00

There are six types of snacks in the world, as far as I'm concerned. Six types worth my time, anyway. I will now compile a list of the six types of snacks I am talking about:

1. Chips
2. Popcorn
3. Meat sticks
4.

Alright, so, I only got three, but that's what you get when you don't plan ahead.

Only Missing the Cardiovascular Workout.

2007-06-15T01:10:00.000-06:00

Blogging is great. I like the fact that when blogging, you can be totally self-referential. I think by that I mean that you can talk about blogging when you are blogging. I mean, I guess that's pretty normal when you do stuff. Like when you play a sport, you usually talk about that sport when you play it. And so it is with blogging: while you blog, you talk about the action of blogging. Prime example? RIGHT NOW. That's so cool, I know.

Blogging and athletics have so much in common, it's just crazy. Like, for instance, in blogging, there are rules. In sports, there are rules. Unless you're playin' street ball, in which case, they is no rules. Same goes for blogging. If you're simply out on the town, blogging and writing swears and smoking crack, the normal blogging rules don't necessarily apply. You have to be your own blog referee and make the calls for yourself.

As with in sports, there are two teams when it comes to blogging. The one team is made up of all the crappy blogs, or crogs as I call them, and the other team is the one I'm on. Self-confident? Maybe. Arrogant? Possibly. Correct? Entirely. Cocky? Likely. Interrogative? Most assuredly. Q & A sesh? No doubt. Blogging? Mmhmm. Carpal tunnel? No.

Boxer-briefs.

2007-03-28T12:17:00.000-06:00

I'm a boxer-briefs guy at heart, this much I know. Ever since about grade 9, when I had the power to choose my own undergarments, I've gone with boxer-briefs. Mostly, I think this is to do with my involvement in athletics. With the boxer-brief you're getting just the right amount of freedom for your little teammates, while still keep them in check. I haven't always been this way, however. It seems to me that my generation is towards the tail-end of those who were blessed to grow up in tighty-whiteys. It was the golden age of constrictive briefs, and I was a devout believer. Sure, I'd gotten faint whiffs of the scent of change in the air, but those boxer shorts seemed too outrageous to ever catch on. I mean, yeah, they're good for a laugh, with a big smiley-face adorned over the front of your crotch, or made from silk with red hearts all over, but they'd surely never become the mainstream choice for unda'wears. Not by me, anyway. I cherished the comfort of my briefs. Eventually, in about grade 6, I tried boxers for the first time. I was scared. I was not myself. I was a stranger in a foreign land, a land filled with too much movement for my liking at the time. After my initial experience, I was, for a time, too frightened to try them again. The problem at that point was that boxers were what the cool kids were wearing, and it was embarrassing to change for gym class with my T-dubs on. In a decision that can only be described as a stroke of genius, I wore boxers over top of my tizzle-whites. No one was the wiser.

So Many People Bring Pens With Them.

2007-03-14T17:37:00.000-06:00

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Tried to blog, only blarted.

Walks Are For Pussies.

2007-03-13T16:22:00.000-06:00

When I want to go for a drive, I usually say, "I'm going to go for a drive too." Because I just imagine that somewhere, someone else is also going for a drive.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

2007-03-13T15:57:00.000-06:00

WHO?

WHO?

WHO?

WHO?

WHO?

If I Were a Gilmore Girl...

2007-03-13T14:04:00.000-06:00

I would talk in a calm, measured tone, pausing occasionally to decide on the appropriate response.

Spiritual Dentistry.

2007-03-13T04:07:00.000-06:00

Is gingivitis one of Satan's henchmen? Yes.

Things I Did Tonite:

2007-03-13T02:33:00.000-06:00

1. Watched 'Pan's Labyrinth'.

2. Peed pants.

3. Wished I hadn't peed pants.

4. Why did I pee my pants?

5. I didn't actually pee my pants.

Ok, ew.

2007-03-12T17:39:00.000-06:00

Gross.

2007-03-12T17:07:00.000-06:00

Why drink two cups of coffee on an empty stomach?

So you can be shaky!

Just Above Desdemona.

2007-03-12T15:23:00.000-06:00

Looking to spruce up your resume?

Next time, why not use?

: The font that's storming the nation.

Try it again, for the first time since you made that clip art title page for your book report in 1994.